Wednesday, January 13, 2016

$1.5 Billion!

Powerball mania is sweeping the globe.  People from states that do not participate in the contest are journeying to those that do.  Persons living outside the country are traveling for the chance to win the big pot.  I am nonplussed.  Being a numbers guy, I am too much aware of the odds involved and so, am unable to generate and enthusiasm for participating. Add to that my personal history of having never won a contest of any kind that was based on pure chance, I would rather spend the money on a well-made burrito.  At least then I would know the true value of my purchase.  And that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach wouldn’t be a response to the realization that my dreams had been dashed against the rocks of disappointment, but rather a mild case of indigestion.

And how about that question that everyone asks, “What would you do with all of that money?”  I believe the answer to that question is fairly obvious.  First, you would spend a great deal of time, money and energy laying out a plan with a very high-powered tax attorney.  Second, you would spend the majority of the rest of your time avoiding the horde of family, friends, strangers and charitable causes eager to feed from the crumbs falling off of the edges of your new-found fortune.

But just suppose you were to escape the neuroses and guilt with a bit of your fortune intact.  How would you spend it?  Remember, you probably opted for the lump sum payment (most financial advisors would suggest that option… oh yeah, you’re going to want a really talented CFP too) so right off the top you’re giving away about one-half of the face value; you start with about $750 million.  Don’t panic, your CFP will be able to design a strategy by which you earn more through wise investing than you gave up by taking the cash value.  Next in line will be the government taxing authorities to collect their shares.  Let’s say you are lucky enough to live in a state that exempts lottery winnings from state taxation.  Then we will set your federal tax rate at somewhere around forty percent (that’s a nice round number).  You know have $450 million.  Humph!  Even using rounding, you can’t call yourself a billionaire.

So now that you have arrived at a usable figure that you can spend, what do you want to buy?  Well, do you like to travel?  I would bet that most people, especially those likely to buy power ball tickets, have seen little of the world in which they live and believe this would be a good use of their new found wealth.  But then Europe is being overrun with Semitic refugees some of whom are prone to disruptive behavior; you may want to put that off until later.  One could always travel to Latin America.  However, it seems that so much of the available labor force has emigrated to the United States, that there wouldn’t be anyone left to provide that first class service you will want to become accustom to as a “one-third of a billionaire”.  India?  Too hot and crowded.  Asia?  Much sword rattling going on recently.  Africa? Malaria!  Australia?  Woman shortage.  Russia?  Too cold.  Now I have heard that New Zealand is a wonderful place full of friendly people.  But then you have enough money to buy the whole county.  What would you do with all those sheep.  I mean, with global warming being such an imminent threat, sweater manufacturing is a declining industry.

Well, maybe domestic travel would be more to your liking.  Road trip?  I mean, you could buy any kind of car you wanted: Mercedes, Jaguar, Aston-Martin, Bentley, Rolls-Royce.  As nice as those automobiles are though, you see them everywhere.  They wouldn’t really mark you as a top-tier traveler.  How about a first-class motor home?  But then every retired teacher has one of those (good union, good retirement).

You certainly would not continue in your job.  Just think how much extra time you would have by ditching that eight-hour routine.  With all that extra time, you could spend more with the spouse to reinvigorate the old romance.  You might as well, statistics show that of couples who win a big jackpot, ninety-eight percent stay married.  There were no statistics available for how may started taking separate vacations.  Or you could start that hobby you were always interested in.  Of course, you have enough money now that you could just pay someone who knows what they’re doing to build all of that custom furniture.




How about a new house?  With your fortune you could live in any zip code you wished.  But do you really want your old friends scratching up that travertine floor with their Red Wing boots?  You’re comfortable in the old digs anyway.  Who needs more rooms to clean?  But on the other hand, you could hire a maid, give the missus an opportunity to get out of the house on her own.  That’s it!  You need a maid!


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