True Blood?

It was recently brought to my attention by one of my favorite readers (yes, there is a list and each of you is ranked) that HBO airs a show called True Blood that purports the coexistence of Vampires and Fairies.  Said reader asserts that this is one of her favorite shows.  I believe her, to the best of my knowledge she has yet to lie to me (although I am sure the day will come… they all do) and seems to be of pure heart (for now… they all do).

I have never, nor in all probability will I ever, see a screening of what I am sure is a masterpiece of melodramatic fiction due to the inescapable truth that I do not subscribe to HBO.  Do you remember when (and mind you, I know all of your ages so if you aver to be too young I will be able to call your chronological bluff) HBO haled itself a movie channel whose mission was to deliver to us, in our homes, top quality films heretofore available only in theatres, or on television edited and riddled with commercial interruption, and yes, having had all of the naughty bits cut out.  Oh, and there was also the occasional boxing match (yawn!).

Well, today it seems HBO, and all of their Johnny-come-lately competitors (Yeah, I’m looking at you, Showtime) have forsaken the cinematic tradition in favor of producing their own brands of dramatic and comedic series.  So, instead of three lousy commercial networks and one publicly operated enterprise whose claim to fame is the airing of last years’ BBC hits, we must now suffer dozens of channels airing hundreds of offerings, each worse than its predecessor.  Is it any wonder I broke the tuning knob off of my television set when I found the Fox News Channel?  But I digress.

The subject of this missive is the confluence of Dracula and Tinkerbelle.  Interestingly enough, these are two of my favorite characters from post-romantic English literature.  They are so iconic that no description of them is necessary (for the English Language readers… foreigners, well try Wikipedia). But just to avoid any confusion, Dracula is the vampire and Tinkerbelle the fairy… and no, those are not code words for alternative life styles (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Flitting about playfully, sometimes coquettishly, Tinkerbelle has always represented for me the perfect woman; beautiful, coy, flirtatious and best of all, mute.  Dracula is no slouch either; haunting the night, nibbling on women’s necks, producing goose bumps. Both of these characters personalities possess elements that would be eschewed by polite members of society but in reality we find somewhat alluring. It’s always the bad girls, or boys, that truly draw out our hearts.

But could these two disparate personalities occupy the same world?  Is there a chance that an ethereal forest nymph could find love in the dark eyes of the undead scourge of Transylvania? There would certainly be challenges. Unlike Mary Shelly’s monster who commanded Frankenstein to create the woman perfectly tailored for his happiness, Tinkerbelle and Dracula would have to learn to love each other’s unusual but true natures. Could Dracula accept a creature who reveled in the sunbeams?  Would Tink cotton to a specter that comes to life only in the dark of night? Let’s examine their literary origins.

Dracula was the creation of Abraham “Bram” Stoker (1847-1912). Famous today for the authorship of his gothic novels, during his lifetime he was renowned for his 27 year tenure as business manager of London’s Lyceum Theater (beginning in 1879). It was during this time that Stoker took to writing fiction.  Before writing the novel Dracula, he met Hungarian writer and traveler Armin Vambery.  Vambery’s dark tales of the Carpathian Mountains likely awakened Stokers interest in the European folklore of vampires.  Stoker spent several years researching the subject prior to his writing but there is no evidence that he ever traveled to the locale known to us as Transylvania. Dracula was published in 1897.

Peter Pan, or The Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up (Hey, we all know something about, right guys?) is J M Barrie’s (1860-1937) most famous play, first produced in 1904, among a library of literary works. Barrie achieved an adult height of only 5’3”, inspiring those who write about such things to write that this may have inspired the story of the boy who never grew up (Peter Pan! Damn it, will you pay attention here… I’ve already written about peanut butter and we established that Skippy is the best).  Peter Pan is credited with the popularization of the name Wendy.  I don’t care, we’re talking about Tinkerbelle here and she is infinitely more interesting than some chick that couldn’t fly.

So is there any reason to believe a connection existed between our favorite girl and our favorite ghoul? It does not seem likely. Even though they were both influential players in the drama culture of Victorian London, Wikipedia cites no connection between the two literary giants and since that is the end all, be all of my investigative resource, it seems settled.   The only literary figure mentioned in both biographies is Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. The answer then, is elementary. If that didn’t make you snicker, groan or gag, you don’t know who Sir Arthur is and need to look him up.  Now!

So, could Tinkerbelle and Dracula find happiness together?  I like to think so.  But if not, Tinkerbelle still has her magic wand.  “Hey, dad, where did Tinkerbelle get batteries in Neverland?”

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This week’s punch line: “Wrecked him? It damn near killed him!”