Thursday, September 3, 2015

Best-ees 3.0

Normally, I would opine on this subject matter during the All Hallows Eve season, but I saw a movie last night that inspired some thought on so-called horror movies.  From my lofty perch of intellectual self-aggrandizement, the subject genre is generally and routinely lacking in that one effect promised by its name, horror.  My experience has taught me that the true horror is that ennui that sets in while the viewer is hoping for a sensational thrill of the macabre sort.  But there are examples of the art that do engender trepidation and offer up goose-bumps much to the viewer’s delight.

The movie to which I refer is Deliver Us from Evil (2014 ScreenGems: Director Scott Derrickson).  It is of the demonic possession order and stars Eric Bana as a New York City Police sergeant who finds himself, by virtue of a series of bizarre case assignments, drawn into the realm of the supernatural.  Dish Network’s movie rating was only two of four stars but I found it engaging on several levels.  There is Sgt. Sarchie’s (Bana) loss of faith; the exorcist priest, Father Mendoza (Edger Ramirez ) battling his personal failings; the victims of the possession, three Marines returned from deployment in Iraq; and Sarchie’s wife (Olivia Munn) and daughter (Lulu Wilson) who become targets of the demon.  While I am generally immune to startle shots (…they are way too telegraphed in most films), I have to humbly admit that among the dozen or so this movie offers, they righteously got me once.  I recommend you see it if you can find it.  But the point of this missive is much broader: More Best-ees!

Seeing this movie gave me pause to reflect on the horror films I have experienced and of those which actually instilled a bit of fear into the experience.  So, for your edification and the further extension of my inexhaustible ego, here are my picks for the best horror movies (I have seen) of all time in ascending order:

No. 5 – Halloween (1978 Compass International Pictures, directed by John Carpenter):  This treasure of the “B” grade slasher movie genre is cheesy in every aspect but two; it engages your fear response and you get to see boobies.  Okay, I realize that second criteria may be a bit skewed to the male audience, but we men have so few real sanctuaries left.  I will not spoil the end of the movie for those who have not seen it, but the closing scene makes you think, “I need a bigger gun!” Oh, if your kids read this, explain to them that a booby is an extinct exotic bird; then you can pass it off as an educational film as well.  Starring: Donald Pleasance, Jamie Lee Curtis, a hockey mask.
  
No. 4 – Alien (1979 Twentieth Century Fox, directed by Ridley Scott):  Perhaps the most effective countdown movie of all time, the audience has no idea who among the crew, if any, is going to survive.  There are many clichéd horror mechanisms within this movie, perhaps the most terrifying is the sheer number of sequels and one prequel it has engendered.  And even though we knew what the “gut” shot was going to look like, we kept going back to see each new iteration of the alien that wouldn’t give up. Starring: Tom Skerrit, Sigourney Weaver, a really ugly monster.

No. 3 – The Shining (1980 Warner Bros., directed by Stanley Kubrick): There is no inference here, from the opening credits you know bad things are going to happen fast and frequently.  A frustrated writer, his demur wife, their big wheeling son (I still get goose bumps when I hear a Big Wheel on the street) and a haunted hotel; it adds up to a perfect recipe for terror.  An aside:  This is a great movie; the book (Stephen King) is better… and way scarier.  In fact, I will admit (fearful of being labeled a little girl) that when read, the topiary garden scene (replaced with the hedge maze scene in the movie), had me so scared I couldn’t get off the couch to go pee for fear of being mauled by a tree lion.  But I digress.  Starring: Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall, two of the freakiest twins you’ll ever see, whether they’re there or not!

No. 2 – Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956 Allied Artists Pictures, directed by Don Siegel): Yeah, I know, “What’s so scary about a giant okra pod under your bed?”  Well, if you’d ever eaten my Granny’s fried okra you’d know why I keep a supply of Tums on the nightstand.  But under the circumstances of this movie, you’re hoping for a stomach ache, or anything else to keep you awake.  The terror is you go to sleep and wake up somebody else.  Now I have gone to bed many times not remembering who I am but I’ve always, no matter how thick the hangover is next morning, known who I was upon awakening.  Where I was and how I got there are totally different issues.  Starring Kevin McCarthy, Dana Wynter, pea pods… really big pea pods.

No. 1 – Dracula (1931 Universal Pictures, directed by Tod Browning): This movie is the granddaddy of gothic horror films and why not; it is derived from the novel that is the granddaddy of all gothic novels (Bram Stoker 1897).  We are all familiar with the story of Count Dracula and his thirst for blood.  But what’s a little nibble on the neck between movie goers, especially drive-in movie goers.  No, it is not that scary and the spin-off product has brought this story to near saturation in pop culture.  But there is a bit of personal history here that heightens the fear factor.


When I was about six years old, my parents went out for the evening surrendering my care to a baby sitter.  Of course, this baby sitter completely disregarded my parents’ instructions regarding bed time (didn’t they all?) and allowed me to stay up and watch Dracula with her… maybe for moral support.  I don’t believe I understood or retained much of the thesis of the story.  But I did remember that anytime Dracula was in scene, he was wearing that cape that swayed back and forth energized by whatever wind machine was lurking out of frame.  The swinging cape, that’s what got me.  “Dale, a lion-hearted lad like yourself spooked by a cape?”

Well it so happens that our neighborhood was populated in large part by John Birch Society members.  For readers under forty years old, The John Birch Society was a right-wing, stolidly anti-communist political organization. (If you want more info, look it up.)  I didn’t know much about them but I do recall that my parents expressed some modicum of distaste for their movement.  One of the identifiers of the “Birchers” was that they all flew the American Flag at their homes.  While the rest of us would only display a flag on traditional holidays, these true red, white and blue patriots displayed it every day.  And some, like our next door neighbors, flew that Star - Spangled Banner at night requiring, per proper flag etiquette, that it be illuminated by a spot light during hours of darkness.  Well, the spotlight, flag and my window shades were so positioned in relation to each other that the flag cast a shadow, a swaying in the on-shore flow breeze shadow, on my bedroom curtains.  So every night for about two years, I lay in bed waiting for Dracula to come into my room and suck my blood until I fell asleep from pure watchful exhaustion.  There have been many aspersions cast upon my emotional and psychological stability over the years.  I proffer that this may have been one of the contributing factors.  Starring: Bela Lugosi, Helen Chandler, a guy eating bugs.

Enjoy the movies!


1 comment: