Mars Attacked... Yet Again!

Mars

Earlier this week, or maybe it was last week (time has no fixed reference point when you live the life of the idle moderately-comfortable) NASA announced unequivocally that they had found water on that planet most likely for extra-terran human migration, Mars.  For those of you unfamiliar with our solar system, Mars (so named for the Roman God of War due to its reddish appearance; the planet, not the god) is the fourth planet from the Sun (we’re number three, and we appear to be blue; the color, not the state of mind).  It is also, due to feature similarity and proximity of orbit, the most likely target for establishment of a permanent human colony.  As such, Mars has become a frequent subject for science fiction genre literature and films, e.g. The Martian due to be released Oct. 2^nd.  (Ray Walston will always be my favorite Martian!)

Venus

When I was in my youth, about fifty-five solar orbital cycles ago, Venus was portrayed in science fiction films as the most likely candidate for human exploration, perhaps even having produced indigenous intelligent life forms.  Venus, after all, is in the goldilocks zone; that distance from the sun where a planet may experience a temperature range not hazardous to life as we know it (someday I will take on the implications of that phrase, but I need to be in a particularly snarky state of mind).  It is also very similar in size to Earth which suggests comparable gravitational parameters, necessary to hold an atmosphere.  But as our science acumen increased we learned two things.  One: Venus does indeed have an atmosphere; unfortunately consisting primarily of carbon dioxide.  This atmospheric chemistry yields surface pressure of nearly 1,400 psi (92 times that of Earth: 15psi).  Two: Venus’ rotation rate is one per 243 Earth days, (and it rotates backwards, it is the only planet in the Solar System that rotates from east to west (we, as you could infer, rotate from west to east).  This causes the extreme temperature of 872^oF and results in wind speeds of 220 mph.  Russia has successfully sent several probes to Venus, delivering data for twenty-three minutes to two hours before giving up and going to satellite heaven (or wherever atheist satellites go).  Venus is also the obvious inspiration for that Earthly phenomenon that began to signal our future doom in 1970, the runaway greenhouse effect.  Venus’ atmosphere is does indeed exexperience greenhouse warming. However, Venus: CO₂ percentage > 95%.  Earth: CO₂ percentage < 0.05%.  We are not planning to colonize Venus in the near future, she is a false seductress.  But I digress.

Venus Surface Image

Do you understand the implications of flowing water on Mars?  If sufficient free-flowing water is present, it significantly reduces the amount of weight a spacecraft would have to devote to carrying potable water.  There is no substitute for potable water, how else would an astronaut make his Tang?

Hydrates Salts Streaks

But wait!  Before you launch that rocket take note.  NASA has pulled back a bit from the overly enthusiastic reporting of the popular press.  The New York Times opening line was “Scientists have for the first time confirmed liquid water flowing on the surface of present-day Mars, …”  Well isn’t that nice?  Doesn’t that just conjure up an image of a riparian paradise with a rippling rill flowing down a gentle slope into a mirror-like tarn?  Get your picnic basket, Yogi.  We’re going a wandering in the lea.  But as one reads paragraph after paragraph it seems the flowing water is indicated not by direct evidence of standing pools.  Rather, dark striations (streaks in NY Times parlance) photographed by the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter (not the Mars rover Curiosity, although they boldly inserted a picture of that vehicle in the article) that may be hydrated salts, evidence of damp spots at some recent time.  Now damp spots are hardly free flowing water.  The spectrometer on the orbiter is not sensitive enough to provide chemical analysis on said streaks which are a few yards wide at most.

Curiosity Selfie

So, why not just send Curiosity over and take a sample of one of these “evidence of flowing water” skid marks?  Well there are two concerns.  One: The Rover is two years away from the suspected hydrated salts trails (yeah, but I’ll bet he’s getting’ great gas mileage).  Two:  It seems the eager little beaver, whose prime mission was to search for life, is not sterile and some scientists fear contaminating the Mars aquatic environment with Earth born microbes.  NASA tells us, that building the rover and transport craft to standards allowing Earth-bound sterilization by heat prior to launch would have required the addition of too much weight.  (I’m sterile and all it took was a bit of novocaine, two judicious snips and a bag of frozen peas… but I digress)  In space travel, weight is everything.  So I ask: In building a rover (actually, two rovers) to go to another world where we knew there was some probability of the presence of water from orbital photographs of the erosion patterns on the planet’s surface, not to mention the ice at the polar caps, did we not think we might just stumble across one of these damp spots by chance and contaminate that?

The estimated cost of sending a manned mission to Mars is $6 billion to $500 billion (wow, that’s razor cut budgeting, huh?).  What’s a half-trillion when your national debt is approaching $20 trillion?  I say, let the market decide.  If some clever entrepreneur can convince private investors there is gold in them thar red hills, let him.  And welcome to the profits.  But I’m seeing little real benefit for the common taxpayer.  I believe I will continue to focus on Earth-bound investment opportunities for the time being.  Unless of course you are planning to send Matt Damon along with the first sortie; then all I need to know is where to send my check.

Breaking News Post Scripts:

 PS  I trust you are all keeping up with your Russian language lessons.

PPS  Your Chinese manufactured prayer rugs are on back order.

PPPS  To paraphrase (British Prime Minister) Neville Chamberlain:  The world will fall to pieces in our time!

PPPPS   Sea monkeys found on ISS!

Super Duper!

Finally, something worth getting out of bed for:  This weekend (Sunday, Sept. 27) we will be given the opportunity to observe an astronomical event known as a Supermoon.  The event is so called because our sister orb will appear 14% larger and 30% brighter than its norm.  The phenomenon happens when full phase occurs with the moon at perigee (the closest point in its orbit around the earth).  Sunday evening, the moon will rise at 6:35 PM (PDT).  Visibility will depend of course on local weather conditions.  Currently, the forecast calls for clear skies; but on the other hand it was supposed to have rained considerably for the past two days and, well you know.

But Wait, There’s More!!!

We are even luckier than you imagined, because this full moon will be cast into the Earth’s shadow as we experience a lunar eclipse!  The indirect lighting reflected from the moon’s surface will produce a reddish hue known as a Blood Moon. This alignment of the Sun, Earth and moon provide us once again with dramatic proof that we are not at the center of the universe.  

Any female readers of a pagan bent may feel free to celebrate by assuming the persona of dryad, naiad, sylph, nymphet or sprite and dancing naked on my front lawn.  There is nothing that celebrates the wonder of nature like a good debauch!  Frank, you may not assume the undress of a fairy and dance on my lawn.

The eclipse will begin at approximately 1:00 AM GMT (British Time) Monday morning (Sept. 28) which translates to 5:00 PM PDT (local time) Sunday evening (Sept. 27).  The eclipse will last approximately one hour and ten minutes.

Doing the math for you (because it’s really easy… and that’s the kind of math I specialize in), with the eclipse beginning at 5:00 PM and lasting just a bit over one hour and moonrise scheduled for 6:35 PM, by the time the moon rises here in paradise, the whole thing will be… over.

Well, you ladies can come over anyway and dance to celebrate the recent autumnal equinox.  After all, we only have one of those each year.  Clothing optional, of course.

Westward, Ho!

For some time now, we have been following events in that troubled Middle East country, Syria.  It seems some sort of civil war is in progress there spurred on by the continuing dissatisfaction of the population with the performance of their president, Bashar al-Assad.  Beginning in Tunisia in December 2010 the revolutionary wave known as the Arab Spring had spread to other Arab League countries and by the end of February 2012, rulers had been ousted in Tunisia, Egypt, Libya and Yemen.  The scope of the movement covered almost all countries of Arabia and Saharan Africa.  While most of the participating nations have settled into some sort of relative peace, Syria’s movement festered into a full civil war.  Despite diplomatic efforts by countries around the world, little progress has been made to amicably settle the conflict.  Certainly Assad does not want to give up his position as president.  And why should he, his daddy (Defense Minister General Hafez al-Assad, who seized power in a “corrective revolution” in 1970) gave it to him in 2000.  Nice gift!

Bashar al-Asad

During the last few years things have gotten quite nasty there and now those with the means and initiative to use them are swarming to Europe.  It seems that from Syria it is a dry trip (meaning one does not have to swim a body of water) across Turkey, Bulgaria, and Serbia to the Hungarian border.  So why do these Muslims eschew their cultural ilk in Turkey?  Why do they not settle in Bulgaria or Serbia where there are substantial numbers of the followers of Allah?  Why do they proceed onward some thousand miles to establish their refugee camps in a Christian, Central European country?  Because Hungary is a member nation of the European Union.

From what I have gleaned watching the news, and who knows how accurate that is, the EU has a very tolerant attitude toward refugees and will support those who qualify for said status.  I do not know what the criteria for refugee status are, but I would conjecture that persecution by a mad dog despot is probably on the list: Very magnanimous of those Europeans.  We should applaud their sense of charity.  Hoo-ray, hoo-ray!

 

But wait, it seems that while the collective EU welcomes the downtrodden with open aid, Hungary, where the refugees are actually making footfall, is not so generously inclined.  Their welcome baskets seem to be filled with teargas and water cannons.  Hmm!

PS Late breaking but unrelated news:  An 8.3 magnitude earthquake occurred off of the western coast of South America at 1845 hrs (ET) Wednesday.  Well, you know what they say, “Chile today, beachfront Argentinean property tomorrow!”

How to Appear Smart

Throughout my life people have asked me, “Dale, how did you get so smart?”  I of course replied in a fashion that relied heavily on modesty and very little, if any, actual advice.  But now that I have crossed the Rubicon that is old age and no longer consider it necessary to compete for money, attention and respect, I feel it is my sacred duty to my fellow fiftieth percentile dwellers to share what I have learned about building a bigger, better intellect.  Nothing!  I am not a particularly smart guy.  I just play one in real life.  Yes, it’s all an act, honed to near perfection by years of practice avoiding hard work.

Before I actually dispense with suggestions for improving your publicly perceived peerless perspicacity let me take a few moments to share my bona fides.  My academic career was mired in mediocrity.  My high school GPA averaged just 3.0 on a 4.0 scale.  And then only because my senior year performance, spent in non-challenging vocational program that included copious field trips, earned a stunning 4.0 GPA.  Thank you George Dowdy. 

I knew that when my high school career ended I would enroll in the local Community College thereby nullifying the need to sit for the SATs.  Ergo, I have no SAT score for which to be embarrassed.  Once again, I succeeded by finding the easy way.  My college career was even less impressive: I graduated from San Diego State University nine years after completing high school.  My so called higher education GPA was a stellar 2.02.  One needs a 2.0 to be awarded a degree form that august institution.  And I spent a good deal of my tenure on academic probation.  It was a close shave.

But here is something to remember as you plan your scholastic career:  None of the details of your college experience appears on the face of your diploma.  Oh sure, it’s impressive if your sheepskin displays some phrase ending with the words cum laude.  But a prospective future employer might consider it braggadocio and classify the applicant as future competition they can avoid by the more advantageous hiring (or non-hiring to be more precise) decision of today.

Now having presented ample confirmation of my limited faculties, I will share with my dear and valued readers one of the most successful mechanisms I have developed to present a façade of knowledge, intellect and mental prowess.

Always answer a question with a question.  I know, this is in direct violation of the maxim drilled into you by parents, teachers and professional mentors as a youth.  But you must understand why you have been admonished against this useful stratagem:  Because questions put one on the defensive.  A question from a professional superior is the first foray into situational control. Your life experience and education have likely prepared you to successfully respond to most questions. But what if your inquisitor delivers a sliding sinker (Is this a proper baseball metaphor?)  You don’t want to seem suddenly delivered at the limit of your competence.  Responding to every information request with a demand for clarifying details will camouflage your diversion efforts from those instances of actual deficiency in your universe of knowledge.

The experienced, well prepared manager may be able to counter your volley off-hand by delivering yet another question, drilling to a deeper level.  Do not be intimidated.  Fortify your defense by staying on offense.  Feigning the need to more precisely understand the needs of your sparring opponent, continue to drill down until you have achieved a level of minutiae that your opponent does not command.  They will, when taxed beyond their mastery of the subject at hand, offer a truce in order that they may collect the answer to the question used to derail the initial assault.  As a side benefit to bolstering your intellectual reputation, you will enjoy the benefit of a reduced task load as questions frequently evolve into work projects.  Once your manager learns that assigning you additional work results in additional work for himself, he will find other minions to whom he can delegate special projects.

 

Do not be deluded.  This is a skill set that must be cultivated and nurtured.  To date we have found that this talent occurs naturally in one subset of the population, two-year olds.  However, asking the question “Why?” repeatedly as an adult will not result in heightened respect for ones intellectual capacity.  And it may result in a visit to the corporate psychologist.  More helpful hints of appearing smarter than you are (without the actual effort) in weeks to come.

Best-ees 3.0

Normally, I would opine on this subject matter during the All Hallows Eve season, but I saw a movie last night that inspired some thought on so-called horror movies.  From my lofty perch of intellectual self-aggrandizement, the subject genre is generally and routinely lacking in that one effect promised by its name, horror.  My experience has taught me that the true horror is that ennui that sets in while the viewer is hoping for a sensational thrill of the macabre sort.  But there are examples of the art that do engender trepidation and offer up goose-bumps much to the viewer’s delight.

The movie to which I refer is Deliver Us from Evil (2014 ScreenGems: Director Scott Derrickson).  It is of the demonic possession order and stars Eric Bana as a New York City Police sergeant who finds himself, by virtue of a series of bizarre case assignments, drawn into the realm of the supernatural.  Dish Network’s movie rating was only two of four stars but I found it engaging on several levels.  There is Sgt. Sarchie’s (Bana) loss of faith; the exorcist priest, Father Mendoza (Edger Ramirez ) battling his personal failings; the victims of the possession, three Marines returned from deployment in Iraq; and Sarchie’s wife (Olivia Munn) and daughter (Lulu Wilson) who become targets of the demon.  While I am generally immune to startle shots (…they are way too telegraphed in most films), I have to humbly admit that among the dozen or so this movie offers, they righteously got me once.  I recommend you see it if you can find it.  But the point of this missive is much broader: More Best-ees!

Seeing this movie gave me pause to reflect on the horror films I have experienced and of those which actually instilled a bit of fear into the experience.  So, for your edification and the further extension of my inexhaustible ego, here are my picks for the best horror movies (I have seen) of all time in ascending order:

No. 5 – Halloween (1978 Compass International Pictures, directed by John Carpenter):  This treasure of the “B” grade slasher movie genre is cheesy in every aspect but two; it engages your fear response and you get to see boobies.  Okay, I realize that second criteria may be a bit skewed to the male audience, but we men have so few real sanctuaries left.  I will not spoil the end of the movie for those who have not seen it, but the closing scene makes you think, “I need a bigger gun!” Oh, if your kids read this, explain to them that a booby is an extinct exotic bird; then you can pass it off as an educational film as well.  Starring: Donald Pleasance, Jamie Lee Curtis, a hockey mask.

  

No. 4 – Alien (1979 Twentieth Century Fox, directed by Ridley Scott):  Perhaps the most effective countdown movie of all time, the audience has no idea who among the crew, if any, is going to survive.  There are many clichéd horror mechanisms within this movie, perhaps the most terrifying is the sheer number of sequels and one prequel it has engendered.  And even though we knew what the “gut” shot was going to look like, we kept going back to see each new iteration of the alien that wouldn’t give up. Starring: Tom Skerrit, Sigourney Weaver, a really ugly monster.

No. 3 – The Shining (1980 Warner Bros., directed by Stanley Kubrick): There is no inference here, from the opening credits you know bad things are going to happen fast and frequently.  A frustrated writer, his demur wife, their big wheeling son (I still get goose bumps when I hear a Big Wheel on the street) and a haunted hotel; it adds up to a perfect recipe for terror.  An aside:  This is a great movie; the book (Stephen King) is better… and way scarier.  In fact, I will admit (fearful of being labeled a little girl) that when read, the topiary garden scene (replaced with the hedge maze scene in the movie), had me so scared I couldn’t get off the couch to go pee for fear of being mauled by a tree lion.  But I digress.  Starring: Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall, two of the freakiest twins you’ll ever see, whether they’re there or not!

No. 2 – Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956 Allied Artists Pictures, directed by Don Siegel): Yeah, I know, “What’s so scary about a giant okra pod under your bed?”  Well, if you’d ever eaten my Granny’s fried okra you’d know why I keep a supply of Tums on the nightstand.  But under the circumstances of this movie, you’re hoping for a stomach ache, or anything else to keep you awake.  The terror is you go to sleep and wake up somebody else.  Now I have gone to bed many times not remembering who I am but I’ve always, no matter how thick the hangover is next morning, known who I was upon awakening.  Where I was and how I got there are totally different issues.  Starring Kevin McCarthy, Dana Wynter, pea pods… really big pea pods.

No. 1 – Dracula (1931 Universal Pictures, directed by Tod Browning): This movie is the granddaddy of gothic horror films and why not; it is derived from the novel that is the granddaddy of all gothic novels (Bram Stoker 1897).  We are all familiar with the story of Count Dracula and his thirst for blood.  But what’s a little nibble on the neck between movie goers, especially drive-in movie goers.  No, it is not that scary and the spin-off product has brought this story to near saturation in pop culture.  But there is a bit of personal history here that heightens the fear factor.

When I was about six years old, my parents went out for the evening surrendering my care to a baby sitter.  Of course, this baby sitter completely disregarded my parents’ instructions regarding bed time (didn’t they all?) and allowed me to stay up and watch Dracula with her… maybe for moral support.  I don’t believe I understood or retained much of the thesis of the story.  But I did remember that anytime Dracula was in scene, he was wearing that cape that swayed back and forth energized by whatever wind machine was lurking out of frame.  The swinging cape, that’s what got me.  “Dale, a lion-hearted lad like yourself spooked by a cape?”

Well it so happens that our neighborhood was populated in large part by John Birch Society members.  For readers under forty years old, The John Birch Society was a right-wing, stolidly anti-communist political organization. (If you want more info, look it up.)  I didn’t know much about them but I do recall that my parents expressed some modicum of distaste for their movement.  One of the identifiers of the “Birchers” was that they all flew the American Flag at their homes.  While the rest of us would only display a flag on traditional holidays, these true red, white and blue patriots displayed it every day.  And some, like our next door neighbors, flew that Star - Spangled Banner at night requiring, per proper flag etiquette, that it be illuminated by a spot light during hours of darkness.  Well, the spotlight, flag and my window shades were so positioned in relation to each other that the flag cast a shadow, a swaying in the on-shore flow breeze shadow, on my bedroom curtains.  So every night for about two years, I lay in bed waiting for Dracula to come into my room and suck my blood until I fell asleep from pure watchful exhaustion.  There have been many aspersions cast upon my emotional and psychological stability over the years.  I proffer that this may have been one of the contributing factors.  Starring: Bela Lugosi, Helen Chandler, a guy eating bugs.

Enjoy the movies!