Thursday, August 8, 2013

Darwinism Debunked!


I can foresee that even the title of this offering will cause some readers to get their hackles up.  Stop thinking! Take a deep breath.  If you take a moment to consider the authorship you will most probably realize that the content herein is unlikely to offend any reader, much less offer a cogent debate of what some consider the definitive question of our very existence.  However, to consider the hypothesis offered here, we must first explore the current state of scientific thought on the matter.
We all know of Charles Darwin (1809-1882), his voyage on HMS Beagle (1831-1836) and his dissertation that turned the world of biological theory on its head, On the Origin of Species (published November 24, 1859).  The meat of the matter is the role natural selection plays in the diversity of life witnessed on this planet.  In a nutshell: Every species reproduces as a rate faster than the food supply can support.  Therefore, in any reproductive generation, those individuals best equipped with natural attributes suited to their environment will live to reproductive age passing on their genetic tendencies while those less adapted will perish before reaching sexual maturity, causing their inferior characteristics to be lost.  Other than technical advances in understanding the actual biochemical mechanics (i.e., DNA mapping, et al) facilitating said reproductive operations, the theory stands as the hallmark and can be expressed in the aphorism, only the strong survive.  While concise, convenient and comfortable, this statement is belied by even your most casual observation of those humanoid creatures encountered during your last trip to the mall!
Human failings aside, Darwin’s work is a rather complete thesis on how we got to where we are now, unless you happen to be standing on a platform awaiting the arrival of a public transportation vehicle. Then it is my sad duty to inform you, dear reader, that you belong in the lower half of the evolutionary population and should just return home, crawl into bed and wait for starvation to consume you before you procreate.  I bought my first car at the age of seventeen and I was a late bloomer.  But I digress.
Darwin’s postulate rests heavily on the presumption that any species must compete for survival.  Yet as one can deduce from a trip to the mall or a glance at the bus stop as we cruise by in our privately owned motor vehicle, for humans this is not the case.  We have achieved the ability and formulated the philosophy to bring every one along, regardless of their attributes or relative contribution to the advancement of society as a whole.
As with most of my ideas, this one was born while engaged in an activity not remotely related to the subject at hand.  I was eating.  And it occurred to me the assumption of scarce food supplies was the petard that Darwin would be hoist upon.  We do not compete for food.  Our superior development of agricultural technology has resulted in an ability to feed the world’s human population many times over.  The reason people starve to death in the modern world is that we cannot efficiently transport the sustenance needed from where it is produced to where the starving people are.  At this point you probably expect me to deliver a treatise on how to solve this logistics dilemma.  If so, you will be disappointed.  Those knowing me well realize that my intellectual capacity falls far short of that challenge.  And then there is the more important reason that frankly, I don’t care.  I am more interested in demonstrating where Darwin got it wrong.
In the dawn of humanity, Homo sapiens sapiens were foragers.  They lived off the land by means of nomadic wanderings shoving into their mouths essentially anything that didn’t eat them first; raw meat, insects, low hanging fruit.  Then, on one glorious day some obscure band leaving no written record of the event stumbled upon a piece of animal flesh that was being charred by fire, most probably the result of a lightning strike.  It was the serendipitous discovery of this unlucky eland (I’m guessing, it might have been a kangaroo rat for all I know) that launched modern man onto his trajectory into gastro-epicurean sophistication.  If man truly had followed the Darwinian path, his development would have been staid in that moment.  For he had discovered the perfect cuisine, Bar-b-que!
Imagine the idyllic existence we would enjoy if our day was devoted to nothing but hunting meat then smoking it to perfection over the coals of our communal fire: No salad, no lumpy oatmeal, no Brussels sprouts.    
But as we know from the anthropological and archeological record, the ancient bipeds did not stop here.  Cooking, allowing them to eat more and preserve surplus meat, lead to substantial intellectual advancement.  And from there they progressed to fixed site agriculture and the milling of grains; bread.  While I like a good Bar-b-que brisket sandwich as much as anyone, we are learning that the gluten in wheat products is likely the cause for our current obesity epidemic.  Have you ever seen a fat caveman displayed in a natural science museum exhibit?
So, if Darwin’s conclusions had been based on sound science, man would have stopped evolving when fire charred animal flesh made its way onto our menu.  And there would be no Souplantations, just Dave’s Famous B-B-Q… unless you felt compelled to stand in line.  Then you would go to Phil’s.
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This week’s punch line: “Sorry partner, the doctor said you’re gonna die!”

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