Economics for Trolls

It was recently asserted that I live like a troll.  Now to some, such a statement might bring instant indignation and emotional pain.  But being more curious than sensitive, I decided to learn something of trolls and test the hypothesis myself.

Trolls seem to have arisen from Norse mythology and were more recently refined in Scandinavian folklore.  Although the source literature is scant (I guess Troll-ophiles just don’t publish on Wikipedia) there seems to be some threads common throughout the troll legends.

Trolls tend to be described as larger, although to what scale we have no insight, than human beings.  There is fair consensus that they are odoriferous.  Caves seem to be their preferred habitat and located somewhat distant from human habitation.  While reticent to social affiliation, they are thought to live in family units, usually in pairs: Father/daughter, mother/son.  There is no allusion as to the nature of this diagonal sexual-identifier relationship, but far be it from us to judge:

Ours is not to reason why,

Ours is but to scoff and die (laughing)!

 Although no concrete evidence can be presented that they are harmful to humans, men seem to assign a certain terror element to anything big and smelly.  There is a tie-in to vampires as trolls turn to stone when caught in sunlight.  Go figure.

Legend has it that trolls were hunted by Thor (please do not confuse the Norse Mythology God with the Marvel Comics superhero… one is real, the other a manifestation of pre-enlightenment superstition… you decide which is which) as protector of the human race.  Apparently he zapped them with lightning bolts.  Now this is somewhat in conflict with the former assertion that they avoided contact with humans.  But some legends hold that trolls (I guess because of their advanced size, resulting in ears to scale) were rather sensitive to and annoyed by ringing bells and in response would hurl stones at offending churches.

All of this is quite interesting if not overwhelmingly vague.  So I turn to a more precise discussion of the troll as recorded in that age-old, factual account of Billy Goat Gruff.  The story is that of three billy goats who wished to cross a bridge in pursuit of greener grass on the sunny side of the valley.  It so happens that a troll lives beneath bridge, his sole occupation dining on wayward goats.  Well, by ruse and wile (now is this really a good lesson for children) the three goats are able to outwit the troll and assault his rights of ownership.

Back to the original thesis: That I live like a troll.  I am somewhat larger than the average human, so there maybe something to this.  Thanks to modern technology, I am afforded the opportunity to bathe frequently… though, if deprived of that modern convenience, I just might reek.  I do not live in a cave or under a bridge.  But times have changed, maybe in the old days, there was a housing shortage in the Northland.  However, I have dealt with a few goats in my time and I find them neither wily nor ruse-full.  I do believe I would discount their suggestions that better times lay ahead if I would just wait for the next, larger goat.

No, I am certain I would tear the ribs from the youngest to eat as an appetizer.  I would boil the second to make a potable soup.  And the third I would roast whole for the main course.  Okay, maybe it’s not the ending you were expecting, but there’s no rule that says the troll can’t live happily ever after!