The Big Crunch!

If you have been a faithful follower of this blog from the beginning, you will remember our discussions (okay, maybe better described as my blathering) about the origins of our universe and the Big Bang Theory (the actual, widely accepted scientific theory of the beginning of everything, not the wildly popular CBS sitcom).  You will recall, I trust, that I expressed some skepticism as to the validity of the current state of said universe modeling because theorists used a fudge factor to get the universe to where it has to be if they are right about the start time, age and size of the universe as presented today.  Now, how many of you out there have had my fudge?  Yes, I know it’s good, thank you.  You may offer the opinion that it could be the best fudge in the universe, but I will avert it unequivocally.  Those of you not lucky enough to have experienced this treat will just have to take my word for it... much like the astrophysicists are asking us to accept that the development of the universe included a window of time when energy actually traveled faster than the speed of light.

With the (hypothetical) discovery of dark energy (I qualify it as hypothetical because no one has actually caught this lightning in a jar… it is purely a mathematical function used to explain why the expansion of the universe seems to be accelerating) the consensus about how the universe would eventually end rested on the big “freeze” or “chill” side of the argument.  The “big freeze” defining a universe that would continue to expand until all energy was exhausted and the universe would essentially be a cold, dark vastness of sub-atomic particles.  Brrrr!

Now, a couple of upstart physicists have parted with the rest of the astrophysical community as regards the end of the universe.  Drs. Nemanja Kaloper from UC Davis and Antonio Padilla of the University of Nottingham (no mention was made of Robin of Locksley) are asserting that “dark energy will dominate the universe shortly before a turnaround leading to an eventual collapse”.  Or what is popularly known as the Big Crunch.  The big crunch theory calls for the eventual re-attraction of all matter into the singularity from whence it came.  I read the “IFLSCIENCE!” article entitled “New Study Suggests We’re Approaching the ‘Big Crunch’ but it was way over my head so I offer you the citation in case you want to take this on yourself:

http://www.iflscience.com/physics/big-crunch-back-possible-end-universe

Now I, for one, am not a fan of crunch which is why I don’t put walnuts in my fudge.  You are free to build your fudge in accordance with your own moral dictates.  But since the “Big Crunch” is billions of years away, and the secret to perfect fudge is to not overcook it, we’ll have plenty of time to make all we need!

Bear Alert

Most of my writing is done tongue and cheek, if you are sensitive enough to mine the underlying humor.  If that statement made you rethink your approach to my blog, well maybe this is not the place for you.

None the less, this week’s missive is deadly serious.  Although I have repeatedly promised to keep out of the political foray, this issue is just too ominous to ignore in hopes other sources will turn your head into the wind.  In the context of this warning, political does not allude to that ass versus pachyderm spectacle we all endure every day.  No, this is global politics at its most dire.  Please follow along cautiously lest you get led astray by the metaphor.

While our government leaders and the main-stream press (“lame-stream” has become trite, and since it does not reflect the principles, or cater to the needs of the main-stream population, we will consider it anachronistic and ban it form further use) are busy pointing at hyenas and trying to differentiate them by simple naming conventions (while we all know they are just different clans of the same tribe), it seems they are ignoring the danger of the bear growling about in a rather threatening manner over there in plain sight.

I know what you are thinking, “Dale, are you experiencing some bad-trip flashback resulting from an LSD influenced visit to the zoo from your youth?”  No!  I am referring to the aggressive stance, nay actions, recently engaged in by Russia.

While there is much debate over the existential threat posed against our society by self-destroying factions of the Arab world (practically nil, by the way), a country fully capable of bringing on global Armageddon, is pushing former Eastern Bloc allies around with impunity and threatening Western aligned nations with nuclear attack as response to certain planned defense measures.

I regret I did not save the citation, but last week I encountered a news story reporting that Russia had issued an ultimatum to Denmark that in the event the Danes deployed missile defense systems as is currently planned by NATO the result would be nuclear missile attacks on Danish Naval vessels in the Baltic Sea by said Russians.  How is this not an act of war?

How is this not a front-page headline?  Why is our government not publicly responding to this assault on the national sovereignty of an allied nation?  Is this the fruit born from Obama’s hot-mike slip entreating the Russians to be patient, as he wouldn’t have to run for re-election?

Little Man Technique

Silhouette Target 

This week my shooting partner and I tried something different.  Inspired by current events (If you follow the news, you’ll know to which event I am referring; if you don’t, go back to reading your horoscope.), my partner rigged up some targets that simulated a normal sized man at 125 yards.  At least that’s what he claimed, I didn’t check his math.  That left us with a torso and head target approximately nine inches tall placed at a distance of fifteen yards.

My first shots were taken with my Colt’s Combat Commander .45 ACP pistol.  I was seven for seven with one shot to the arm and the rest to the torso.  I was pretty pleased as I do not normally shoot at that distance; more on that later.

S&W Mod 66

I followed up with attempts using a Smith & Wesson model 66 .357 Magnum revolver (using .38 special ammunition) and a Glock 9mm semi-auto pistol.  I do not remember the model number of the Glock, but it was of standard size… they all look alike to me.  With these guns I had some passed rounds… that is shots that completely missed the silhouette; not by much but misses just the same.

Lessons learned:

Colt's Combat Commander

One – familiarity breeds competency:  Although each of the guns I shot is of excellent quality, the Colt’s .45 caliber pistol is my carry gun of choice and the one with which I am most practiced.  And the results show it.  There is nothing intrinsically superior about my gun.  The difference is my ability to shoot it well (practice, practice, practice).

Two – One hundred twenty-five yards is a long shot for a handgun, particularly a combat handgun (as opposed to a target or hunting firearm).  I don’t believe I would ever take a shot like that in a real-life situation.  There is too much room for error and it is hard to justify a shot at that distance, when running away (seeking cover) would be the more prudent option.  Any choice involving attempting a shot like that, particularly by an armed civilian, could be considered attempted murder or at least assault with a deadly weapon as self-defense requires a reasonable assumption of imminent danger.

Three – There is a significant departure from reality when shooting at a target reduced in scale to simulate distance.  First, there is no way to account for the natural bullet drop that would occur in a shot over that distance.  Second, there is no way to simulate wind deflection.  Third, with standard velocity handgun ammunition a live target could take one step right or left at the time the shot was fired and move himself out of the path of the bullet.

“So Dale,” you ask, “why did you do this exercise if it has no practical value in the real world?”  Did you read the second paragraph?  I went seven for seven at 125 yards!  Now that’s something to brag about.  Questions?  Good, then get out there and practice.

PS  In last week’s blog I included a link to a You-tube video that I now understand was not blatantly obvious.  Here is the link if you missed it:  “The Cowboy and the Poet”

Sensitivity Alert!

Sigmund Freud

This week’s offering is about philosophy.  Eh, eh, eh!  Don’t punch the delete button just yet.  For those of you who have been clamoring for more personal insight into the workings of that id, ego, superego known collectively as Dale Holbrook, this will be the answer to your queries. (Forgive the language, I am currently reading a collection of short stories penned by Rudyard Kipling and Victorian English effects me that way… just be’eth glad I arst not readithing Shakespeare).

Plato

I have read some small amount of philosophy; a very small amount, actually you can count the readings on one digit. I read Plato’s Republic and that ruined me for subsequent exploration of those considered the Great Philosophers because all Plato did was make a case that Philosophers should be at the highest tier of society’s members and furthermore that society itself exists for the singular purpose of supporting the doings of Philosophers.  I recommend it just so you too can be as angry as I.

None the less, philosophy is important.  Notice I’ve used the lower case “p” in this paragraph.  That is because we are shifting our focus from the grand Philosophy of civilization, which is utterly useless unless (see if you can construct a sentence containing three words all starting with the letter “u” in a row… yeah, it’s not easy is it… that’s why you’re the reader and I’m the writer) you are trying to dupe the people into subjugation in a utopic but ordered society, to the much more fruitful “personal philosophy”.

If you are a thinker it is more than likely you have a personal philosophy, even if you are not aware of it.  Being an accountant by training, I want to slap labels on everything.  So from now on, we will call your abstract set of motivational drivers what it is, a personal philosophy, or “pp”.  Quit snickering, Swee’ Pea!  If you are a doer, well, you probably have a personal philosophy as well.  Because if you don’t, you wouldn’t be doing those things everybody recognizes you for.

I know what you’re thinking.  “But Dale, I’ve never seen my “pp”!  Could it have been thrown out with the afterbirth when they let me go home from the hospital with my mommy?”  No, my children, you are not issued a “pp” at birth.  It is something that you develop over your lifetime.  It is the “why” that drives all of your actions (and inactions, what you don’t do is just as important as what you do, do) as we live day to day.  So if you ever wonder why you did a certain thing, that attempt at answering the why (not the how) is an attempt to define your ‘pp”.

To help you understand, I will share my “pp” as an example:

Faster cars,

Younger women,

Smoother tequila,

More money!*

Be honest now, how many of you thought this was going to turn into a five-thousand word treatise?

* Apologies to Mr. Tom T. Hall

   The Cowboy and the Poet

Tom T. Hall

Economics for Trolls

It was recently asserted that I live like a troll.  Now to some, such a statement might bring instant indignation and emotional pain.  But being more curious than sensitive, I decided to learn something of trolls and test the hypothesis myself.

Trolls seem to have arisen from Norse mythology and were more recently refined in Scandinavian folklore.  Although the source literature is scant (I guess Troll-ophiles just don’t publish on Wikipedia) there seems to be some threads common throughout the troll legends.

Trolls tend to be described as larger, although to what scale we have no insight, than human beings.  There is fair consensus that they are odoriferous.  Caves seem to be their preferred habitat and located somewhat distant from human habitation.  While reticent to social affiliation, they are thought to live in family units, usually in pairs: Father/daughter, mother/son.  There is no allusion as to the nature of this diagonal sexual-identifier relationship, but far be it from us to judge:

Ours is not to reason why,

Ours is but to scoff and die (laughing)!

 Although no concrete evidence can be presented that they are harmful to humans, men seem to assign a certain terror element to anything big and smelly.  There is a tie-in to vampires as trolls turn to stone when caught in sunlight.  Go figure.

Legend has it that trolls were hunted by Thor (please do not confuse the Norse Mythology God with the Marvel Comics superhero… one is real, the other a manifestation of pre-enlightenment superstition… you decide which is which) as protector of the human race.  Apparently he zapped them with lightning bolts.  Now this is somewhat in conflict with the former assertion that they avoided contact with humans.  But some legends hold that trolls (I guess because of their advanced size, resulting in ears to scale) were rather sensitive to and annoyed by ringing bells and in response would hurl stones at offending churches.

All of this is quite interesting if not overwhelmingly vague.  So I turn to a more precise discussion of the troll as recorded in that age-old, factual account of Billy Goat Gruff.  The story is that of three billy goats who wished to cross a bridge in pursuit of greener grass on the sunny side of the valley.  It so happens that a troll lives beneath bridge, his sole occupation dining on wayward goats.  Well, by ruse and wile (now is this really a good lesson for children) the three goats are able to outwit the troll and assault his rights of ownership.

Back to the original thesis: That I live like a troll.  I am somewhat larger than the average human, so there maybe something to this.  Thanks to modern technology, I am afforded the opportunity to bathe frequently… though, if deprived of that modern convenience, I just might reek.  I do not live in a cave or under a bridge.  But times have changed, maybe in the old days, there was a housing shortage in the Northland.  However, I have dealt with a few goats in my time and I find them neither wily nor ruse-full.  I do believe I would discount their suggestions that better times lay ahead if I would just wait for the next, larger goat.

No, I am certain I would tear the ribs from the youngest to eat as an appetizer.  I would boil the second to make a potable soup.  And the third I would roast whole for the main course.  Okay, maybe it’s not the ending you were expecting, but there’s no rule that says the troll can’t live happily ever after!