Global Warming!

Relax, this is not going to be a political diatribe related to the hotly contested proposition that the world is well on its way toward destruction resulting from the runaway greenhouse effect. Although this past week has been one of the warmest I remember with midday temperatures rising to 105 degrees, today the trend seems to have broken and we are back to the usual range for September in the coastal valleys of San Diego.  My impression:  It was hot!

How hot was it?  It was so hot I was running my air conditioner for the better part of the day.  Now being a member of the Skinflint clan, the notion of spending money just to cool the air is rather odious to my nature.  But when it became impossible for me to watch my favorite Fox News Channel programs for the sweat cascading from my forehead into my eyes, I realized it was time to acquiesce and open the pocket book.  I guess it won’t be too damaging to forego eating for a few days; I could stand to lose a few pounds anyway.

I remember when I was in high school a day was set aside, April 22, 1970, on which we students were assembled to hear lectures from visiting pundits expounding the theory that increasing levels of Carbon-dioxide in the atmosphere put us all in danger from an imminent ice age as a result of global cooling.  Just a few degrees decrease in global mean temperatures would cause the earth’s free water supply to be locked up in the polar ice caps leading to death by thirst or hypothermia, whichever came first (or seemed scarier).  As I recall, it was a pleasant day and the lectures were presented outside in the warmth of the sun.  No mention was made of the likelihood of the return of the Wooly Mammoth.

It is now nearly twenty years later and we are still “celebrating” earth day each April and to my great disappointment, nary an iceberg is to be seen in San Diego Harbor.  Today, we needn’t fear a frozen planet.  The polar ice caps it seems have out flanked the global cooling proponents and instead are threatening us with rising sea levels.  Although I have yet to observe sea waves lapping at the intersection of Broadway and Front Street, the experts assure me that soggy days are ahead.

Well, to continue in the tradition of public education this blog provides, I will now share with you the steps I have taken to protect myself from either extreme.  First, to limit the importance of future climatic catastrophe, I have had no children.  Once I’m gone, I don’t care what befalls the planet.  Second, I have chosen to live well beyond the tidal zone no matter how much of the ice melts.  My home is at 1,700 ft. elevation.  Come on Poseidon; give me your best shot.

You might recoil from such thinking, believing it to be rather selfish.  You are correct!  Nature has proven itself to be no friend of life; just look at the paleontological record.  There are more species extinct in the history of the world than currently exist today.  And most of them expired well before humans starting meddling with the environment.  We are just one Yellowstone volcanic eruption or one asteroid collision away from extinction ourselves.  Both of these phenomena are overdue, by the way.

 

So take my advice:  Forget about EPA ratings and buy a fast car.  You may not be able to outrun Armageddon, but you’ll be among the last to go and enjoy the ride to boot. Whee!