The Sound of Freedom!

Being as it is, the weekend of Independence Day (This, by the way, is the proper name for the national holiday, not “The Fourth of July”. The holiday commemorates an event that occurred many, many years ago.  Can you tell me what the event was?  I will give you bonus points if you can tell me another reason why the moniker “July 4^th” is not apropos.) I wanted to share some thoughts relevant to a sensory aspect, the sound of Independence: Swoosh!  So why is “Swoosh!” the sound of freedom?

Is it because of the Nike logo?  Nike gives us the freedom to run about, invigorating ourselves and living healthier lives.  No, that’s not it.  I can’t even wear Nike shoes… not big enough for my wide, wide feet.  Pay attention girls!  So I am effectively banned from the Nike Swoosh!  Doesn’t sound like freedom to me.

How about the sound of a jet liner?  That sounds like freedom: Swoosh!  The introduction of the jet engine into commercial passenger aircraft design is largely responsible for the democratization of air travel.  The more powerful jet engine resulted in a significant increase in aircraft size, allowing more seats to be added, changing the economics of airfare.  But as we have experienced, the airline industry has turned itself into too much of a good thing.  Now the planes are so packed with seats that you experience hardly any freedom at all.  And do you remember, “You may feel free to move around the cabin.”?  Now it’s “Stay in your seats and keep your seatbelts fastened.” No, jet engines are not the sound of freedom.

The real sound of freedom was first heard circa 1775.  Not in America (which at that time were more properly referred to as the “colonies”) but in the mother country, England.  It was the crucial advance in plumbing invented by Alexander Cummings now known as the “S-trap”.  That is the design of your flush toilet that prevents sewer gasses from escaping into your home by the seal created by trapping water.  And when you flush your commode, that seal is broken creating the now famous, Whoosh!

Okay, I know what you’re thinking, “Dale, this just sounds like another load of your usual crap!”  But I beg you; think what your life would be like in a world without Whoosh!  Imagine the smell emanating from the chamber pot stewing under your bed during those long, long winter nights.  Consider how much time would be wasted on trips to the outhouse every day.  And you know those holes fill up eventually requiring a new hole and moving the shed.  I believe if you give in a bit of serious thought you will agree: The flush toilet, with its ingenious “S-trap” is the greatest invention of all time.  And “Swoosh!” is truly the sound of freedom.

So, What's to Worry?

I know that some of you have experienced anxiety over certain current events.  If we watch the news, it’s all mayhem and mass destruction.  From global warming to the local drought and non-vetted Syrian refugees to home-grown jihadists, it seems there is peril around every corner, clouds forming to darken every sky.  Hillary is a liar and Trump is a clown.  The U.S. Department of Justice can’t seem to find a handle with which to grasp Server-gate or Clinton Foundation irregularities: And Wednesday, Loretta Lynch (U.S. Attorney General, in case you’ve lost your program) admitted she didn’t know the whereabouts of one Noor Salman (the wife of Orlando shooter Omar Mateen) who may be charged as a co-conspirator.  Medical insurance premiums skyrocket as the industry struggles to provide all the services mandated in the Affordable Care Act (i.e., Obama Care) and many insurance providers have elected to pack it in and withdraw from the California market.  The Democrats are staging a sit in (yeah, real mature; that’s what you get when you elect a bunch of over-the-hill hippies to Congress) to force a vote on gun control measures that will make us safe while the NRA collects money to influence the other representatives to vote to preserve our natural right to self-defense.  Tumbleweed doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life and my tap water is so mineral laden my InSinkErator has frozen solid.  I can imagine that many of you not only perceive the glass as half empty, but also recognize that there’s a hole in the bottom!

Well I, for one, will not be defeated.  There is no need to surrender.  After all, the mosquitos infected with the Zica virus can’t bite us all!  Now I know from time to time your little voice tells you to pack it in.  To just give up and stay in bed with the covers pulled over your head (although with the temperatures we’ve been experiencing lately that might lead to heat stroke) and hide from the big bad world. But I say let’s take a positive approach, after all none of this stuff will kill us. Okay, maybe the terrorists or the mosquitos or the lack of medical attention may kill us, but my malfunctioning garbage disposal won’t.  I say to really alleviate our fears of today’s issues, let’s take a look at somethings that could really ruin our summer.

Volcanism – No, this is not a society dedicated to a broader understanding of the philosophies Mr. Spock.  It is the branch of geology concerned with the study of volcanic activity.  Oh sure, there is always some relevant risk of a localized eruption like that of Mt. Saint Helens (Washington, USA) in 1980.  But that killed hardly any people at all, only fifty-seven, more or less.  It’s sort of hard to identify ashes.  But such an event is hardly a pimple on the butt of the one that’s coming.  The Yellowstone Supervolcano has generated a succession of eruptions over the last 18 million years.  Most recently 2.1 million, 1.3 million and 630,000 years ago. If you have any talent for trend analysis, you should be able to extrapolate a due date for the next big-boom as “any day now”.  I know what you’re thinking, “Well then, a volcano.  That’s not so bad.  They’re pretty localized events.  I wasn’t planning a trip to Wyoming anyway.  Rather desolate place, that.”  Well think again. Poindexter.  We’re talking something in the order of 240 cubic miles of rock, dust and ash ejected into the sky.  To put that in perspective, the Mt. Saint Helens 1980 eruption launched about 0.3 cubic miles of junk, and that had measurable effect on worldwide temperature trends. Scientists assure us that this would not be a life-on-earth ending event.  Hey, maybe the cooling will offset the deleterious effect of global warming!

Tectonics – No, this is not a fancy name for electronic game design.  It is the phenomenon which describes the formation of the earth’s surface.  It seems the earth is like an onion, it has layers.  Okay, maybe it’s more like a parfait, but let’s not get bogged down in similes.  There is a solid inner core, a liquid outer core, a stiffer mantle (I don’t know, maybe every time we reach perigee with Venus the earth gets a little excited.) and a rigid mantle.  And finally floating atop all of this is the crust, which is what you are currently standing (sitting, whatever) on.  This crust is not solidly connected like an egg shell but is broken up into plates.  With the boiling action of the mantle supporting it, these plates are in constant (on a geological time scale) motion.  Where plates meet, there are two types of action.  Plates either gnash laterally against each other (like the San Andreas fault) or one is subverted beneath the other where it melts and becomes part of the mantle while the ascending plate crumples like a dented fender to create new mountains. So where’s the peril?  Although these plates move very slowly (incher per year} you must remember that this solid rock we’re talking about which does not give up its structure easily. Great amounts of potential energy build up at these seams which on occasion releases itself in the in a phenomenon we call earthquakes.  And as with most geologic action, we are way overdue for some major shifting along the San Andreas fault as its been over 150 years since the last major quake (Magnitude 7.9).  Emergency planning professionals project 50,000 deaths.  “So Dale, why don’t we just move to the Great Plains?  Can’t we just let the illegal immigrants have California?” you ask.  Well, as advances in research techniques allow us to develop a more complete model of the crust’s structure we learn that there are plate intersections and fault systems everywhere.  And no one can reliably predict when any of these systems will become active.  Perhaps the solution is to buy that Bakersfield lot now, beach-front property always retains its value!

Near Earth Objects (NEO) – No, this is not the study of little persons (sorry, Frank).  It is the science of identifying and tracking asteroids and comets whose orbits around the sun bring them in close proximity to earth’s orbit.  Why do we do this?  Well it seems that on occasion one of these rocks or ice balls tries to occupy the same position in space-time as our humble planet.  Now for the pea sized wanderer that provides us with a dazzling light show as it burns up in our atmosphere this is of no great concern.  But every 100 million years or so a really big one comes along and smacks hell out of us.  The most fully documented event was the impact that ended the reign of the dinosaurs (known as the KT boundary in geology parlance) and caused the mass extinction that marks the end of the Mesozoic Era.  This occurred 65 million years ago.  So while we are not in the imminent window statistically, we are on the short end of the cycle.  That event resulted in the extinction of 16% of marine families, 47% of marine genera and 18% of land vertebrate families.  But I know what you’re thinking, “Dale, what are the odds?”  Well, I just happened to have that information.  According to a study form 2012, the odds of dying in the United States in a human lifetime from a global NEO impact is 1 in 75,000.  That may seem pretty slim but if you compare it to some other selected causes of death: Earthquake; 1 in 130,000: Lightning; 1 in 135,000: Food Poisoning (Botulism); 1 in 3,000,000: Shark attack; 1 in 8,000,000.  (Well T’weed, I guess South Africa isn’t looking so bad after all.)  It seems if you’re partial to standing outside, naked, in the rain, you should be more worried about being stuck down by a meteorite than a lightning bolt.  But my money in on the risk that you’ll be arrested by the local cops, tased and hauled off to the looney bin.

So there you have it.  A little information and bit of calculated analysis, plus an optimistic outlook helps us put things in perspective.  I think we have proven here that no matter how bad things seem, it can always get worse.  I hope I have helped brighten your day.

Go... Somewhere!

Home again, home again, jiggety-jig.

Yes, just when you were getting used to blog offerings of some substance, and lots of pictures, I have suspended my travels and returned to my shanty of dis-solicitude.  So, it’s back to the inane ravings upon which I have built my reputation as a sophist.  But we will delay the return to the realm of the ridiculous for another week and take this opportunity to make a few brief observations relative to traveling the man’s way, by car (or in my case truck, but the only real difference is the size of parking space I need).

Although Montrose, Colorado is a nice enough place and visits with Aunt Barbara a joy, any traveler of will tell you, “It’s not the destination, but the journey.”  And that is certainly true of my excursions.  I refer you to my blog post of 9/19/13, How to Plan a Road Trip (www.daleholbrookoutwest.blogspot.com) for some insight on my methods.  All trips will have at least a general if not specific distance limitation; let’s face it, we must return home, if only to pick up our stopped mail.  But when one focuses the trip plan on an end point, whether geographical location or experience gained, they often find the achievement was less enriching than anticipated.  (“Peru, eh.” Right Tumbleweed?)  You see, when too much planning is applied to what you already know is there, then by the time you arrive, you’ve imagined everything it could be.  But many times it isn’t all you imagined and doesn’t live up to expectations.

On the other hand, one should travel with an open agenda and focus on finding unknown treasures along the way rather than only well-established points of interest.  Let me offer you a short parable:  If you embark on a journey carrying a bag containing everything you expected to see along the way, the contents of your bag would be the same at trip’s end as it was at departure.  But, if you picked up some memento (these could be ethereal as well as physical) at each site you encountered something unexpected, by journey’s end you would have a bag full of new stuff to pore over for years to come.  Is this making any sense at all?  I feel like I’m floundering here.

Let me give you a real life example.  Your destination is the south rim of the Grand Canyon.  It is your first visit to this must see phenomenon. But let’s face it, you have seen pictures all your life, and while it can be a stirring experience, you pretty much know what you’re going to see when you get there.  Now let’s take a different approach.  You are travelling to the Grand Canyon and have committed enough time to allow visits to all of the small towns along old Route 66 which are now bypassed by I-40.  One of the treasures you will add to your bag is Snow Cap Drive-in in Seligman, Arizona, where the owners not only serve hamburgers in the early style, but provide customers with kitsch comedy routines in the process (sorry Vegans, I guess you’ll just have to order iced tea… but I recommend a milkshake anyway, at least).

On this most recent trek, I discovered things and places I’d never seen or even heard of.  I traveled roads that that looked unimpressive on the map, but turned out to offer vista of unexpected grandeur.  In some cases, although I try to avoid the effort, I actually learned things; imagine that.

So in the interest of brevity (I know what you’re thinking, “Too late!”), I will leave you with this quote from my favorite traveler, “Hmm. I guess I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque!”  

Beep, Beep ...Zip! Tang!

No, that is not the sound of some malevolent robot come to rule as a mechanical overlord.  It’s not the click language of some recently discovered civilization heretofore hidden in the deep jungles of New Guinea. (How come nothing exciting ever happens in Old Guinea? I think happenstance is ageist!)  Try it phonetically:

Beep, beep (rest for a second) Zippp! Taaaang!

Think about it.  Think about it.  Yes, you’ve got it: It’s the Road Runner!  I knew you could do it.

Your next question, most certainly then, is “Dale, why are you making childish sounds if you are not attempting to conquer the Universe with a battalion of evil mechanical men?”

Because, my oh so slow students, the road runner is the very symbol of the Southwest, and that’s where I am heading.  For the next three weeks or so, I will be traveling (by truck) across a major portion of the Desert States with the ultimate purpose of visiting my Aunt Barbara in Montrose, Colorado.  What this means to you, is I will not be publishing my weekly blog posts during my absence.

Don’t Panic!

Those of you that have been around for a while (should, at least) know that I have a travel log blog to which I publish my exciting adventures encountered while on such rovings.  Don’t worry, I will not clutter the blog up with the daily doings of me and Aunt Barbara (although she tends to be kind of quirky and, well you never know) but I will be updating you on any interesting events and attractions worthy of your notice on the trips out and in.  And I’ll even let you know if there is anything new going on in Montrose, Colorado (my ancestral home as it is the birthplace of my mother).

“But Dale, “you whine “how am I supposed to read these exciting chapters of your on-the-road life?” (notice the hyphens, Frank)

Simple, just go to www.dalesoutwesttravels.blogspot.com and voila, there you are.  And if you are on the distribution list for my weekly blog (what you’re reading now, stupid) you will most likely be on the travel log announce list as well.  Okay, that’s it for this week.  Miss me yet?

And yes, I've got my towel.

Best-ees 4.1

As promised, I will step away from politics and astronomy this week to give those of you living your lives vicariously through pop-culture icons a chance to catch up.  It has been my intent for some time to address what I believe is one of the most important and enjoyable facets of the Golden Age of Hollywood.

For you tyros who are now titillated at the prospect of learning something about motion pictures (that’s what they called movies before the world decided everything continental was more sophisticated and we adopted the word “film”), you may locate other posts about this subject by searching the index for Best-ees 1.0 et al.

Then we learned earlier this week of the death of William Schallert.  If your initial response is, “Who is William Schallert?” it underscores your need for further schooling on the subject at hand.  William Schallert was the actor, who among many other roles, played the father of my first celebrity crush, Patty Duke (c’mon, I was only nine years old), on a mid-nineteen sixties sitcom, not surprisingly entitled The Patty Duke Show (ABC 1963-1966).  But this is not about that show, it is about actors.  William Schallert is an example of the “working actor” who never graduated to starring roles or celebrity status, but crafted performances of periphery characters that added so much to texture the movie.  IMDb lists 375 acting credits in film and television spanning from 1947 to 2014 (most recently on Two Broke Girls… sorry, I’ve never seen it).

This article is not specifically about him but those of his ilk that I refer to as third tier actors.  The first tier is the starring role (e.g., Cary Grant, or John Wayne). The second tier is filled by actors whose names you should know if you are into movies from the Golden Age; they were generally the sidekicks and villains (e.g., Walter Brennan, or Basil Rathbone).  The third tier is populated by those best known as character actors.  They generally served little purpose for plot development but added a great deal of substance in portrayal of offbeat characters, usually (but not always) with a comic bent, even in the darkest of dramas.  William Schallert was that kind of actor, although his start was relatively late in the evolution of the Golden Age.  And that is what the balance of this missive is about, Dale’s (who else?) pick for the best character actors from the Golden Age.  Now let me warn you, there are more of these people than I could ever begin to list and the selections presented here are based solely on my feelings on the subject… that’s why they call it subjectivity.  If you are offended by someone I excluded, or included, start your own blog.

James Gleason (1882-1959): 163 acting credits from 1922 to 1958 (film and TV)

Gleason set the standard for the overwrought police lieutenant trying to unravel a mystery that to the audience is clear as can be.  He was also frequently cast in military roles, as were most male actors who worked during World War II.  But his range was not limited, his everyman look and demeanor suited him well for any type of role.  Some of my favorite performances were (all righty, get ready to jot this down… wait, you don’t have to, I’ve done it for you.)

Meet John Doe (Warner Bros. 1941) directed by Frank Capra:  Henry

Here Comes Mr. Jordan (Columbia  1941) directed by Alexander Holt:  Max Corkle

Arsenic and Old Lace (Warner Bros. 1944) directed by Frank Capra:  Lt. Rooney

The Bishops Wife (RKO 1947) directed by Henry Koster:  Sylvester

Eugene Pallette (1889-1954): 260 acting credits from 1913 to 1946

Pallette’s most noticeable characteristic was his raspy voice; sounded like an Osterizer^*.  His rotund physique did not stop him from portraying action characters.  He was equally adept at playing good-guy, bad-guy or flustered father; he was always overbearing.  His role as comic relief was buttressed by his aggressive style.

My Man Godfrey (Universal 1937) directed by Gregory La Cava:  Alexander Bullock

Topper (MGM 1937) directed by Norman Z. McLeod:  Casey

The Adventures of Robbin Hood (Warner Bros. 1938) directed by Michael Curtiz:  Friar Tuck

The Mark of Zorro (20^th Century Fox) directed by Rouben Mamoulian:  Frey Felipe

Charles Ruggles (1886-1970): 152 acting credits from 1914 to 1968 (film and TV)

Ruggles was a master of comic expression (think Danny Kaye before Danny Kaye), quite often portraying the good-hearted souse.  His trademark was making funny faces in response to dialogue delivered by other cast members.  If you had a favorite uncle that your mother was trying to shield you from, it would be Charlie Ruggles.  In 1960 he did the voice of Aesop in the Aesop Fables cartoons from Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Ruggles of Red Gap (Paramount 1935) directed by Leo McCarey: Egbert Flound

Anything Goes (Paramount 1936) directed by Lewis Milestone: Moonface Martin

Bringing Up Baby (RKO 1938} directed by Howard Hawks: Major Applegate

No Time for Comedy (Warner Bros. 1940) directed by William Keighley: Philo Swift

Sig Ruman (1884-1967): 128 acting credits from 1922-966 (film and TV):

Rugman played a wide spectrum of characters from bumbling bureaucrat Nazi soldier.  His accent was a benefit of his German birth and held him in good stead during the late 1930s and 1940s when Germans were needed to portray the myriad roles in movies about WWII.  But even in his most malevolent performances, he radiated the aura of a teddy bear.  His career included some of the greatest films Hollywood produced.

A NIght at the Opera (MGM 1935) Directed by Sam Wood:  Gottlieb

Only Angels Have Wings (Columbia 1939) Directed by Howard Hawks:  Dutchy

Comrade X (MGM 1940) Directed by King Vidor:  Emil Von Hofer

Stalag 17 (Paramount 1953) Directed by Billy Wilder:  Sgt. Johann Sebastian Schulz

Felix Bressart (1892-1949): 66 acting credits from 1928 to 1949:

Bressart was another German emigre; he was invited to leave his country of origin due to his theatrical work in political satire performances.  He is your kindly old grand-uncle and you can see the emotional wounds of the leading lady in his sympathetic body language and facial expression.  His resume is a bit shorter than the others I have included as he died while working in 1949.

Ninotchka (MGM 1940) Directed by Ernst Lubitsch:  Comrade Iranoff

The Shop Around the Corner (MGM 1940) Dir. by Ernst Lubitsch:  Pirovitch

Third Finger, Left Hand (MGM 1940) Dir. by Robtert Leonard:  August Winkel

Above Suspicion (MGM 1943) Directed by Richard Thorpe:  Mr. A. Werner

Edgar Kennedy (1892-1948): 446 acting credits from 1911 to 1949:

Kennedy is known as the king of the slow burn, a pantomime routine in which the actor slowly displays his angry reaction to another character’s behavior or statement, a talent he would have developed while working in silent films.  But gold is gold and you can see that he adapted his trademark move into talkies very naturally.  He was often cast as a police officer, frustrated by the nonsensical actions of the principal characters.  Kennedy had a peerless career, it almost seems that he would have been present for Edison’s unveiling of his new motion picture process.

Duck Soup (Paramount  1933) Directed by Leo McCarey:  Street Vendor

San Francisco (MGM 1936) Directed by W.S. Van Dyke:  Sheriff

In Old California (Republic 1942) Directed by William C. McGann:  Kegs McKeever

Anchors Aweigh (MGM 1945) Directed by George Sidney:  Police Captain

Donald McBride (1889-1957): 162 acting credits from 1914-1956:

McBride was another of the long suffering everyman who just wanted everything to remain calm and orderly.  Unfortunately, the script always called for mayhem and chaos.  As with Edgar Kennedy, he relied on the slow burn but was also master of the double take, the nervous tic and loss of words.

The Great Man Votes (RKO 1939) Directed by Garson Kanin:  Iron Hat McCarthy

Northwest Passage (MGM) Directed by King Vidor:  Sergeant McNott

My Favorite Wife (RKO 1940) Directed by Garson Kanin:  Hotel Clerk

High Sierra (Warner Bros. 1941) Directed by Raoul Walsh:  Big Mac

Okay, I think that’s enough for this week.  You have been very patient.  If you haven't noticed, I have provided you with a list of movies that are among the best of their era.  This is a good primer to start your education on the Golden Age of Hollywood, I hope you enjoy them. Soon I will produce Best-ees 4.2 which will focus on female supporting character actresses of the same period.  I am an equal opportunity plagiarist.

^*And now for the rant, you knew there was going to be one:  If you don’t know what an Osterizer is then take your freakin’ Cuisanart and move to France with the rest of the communists. Just try to make a margarita in a food processor.  That’s why the French were beaten up by the Mexicans so badly at the battle of Puebla (cinco de mayo) … no margaritas.  After all, war is a thirsty business!

Counting Ones Blessings

The state of the world, or at least our country (that would be the United States of America in case I have already lost you) seems to be shifting away from order and toward chaos.  If you are a regular reader of this blog, then it is safe for me assume you are on the upside of the intelligence quotient and daily practice the art of assessing your tactical locus.  You have surely observed the current events being reported as protests but which are in reality unlawful mob activity designed to deny us our Constitutionally guaranteed rights of speech, assembly and association.

“Black Lives Matter, “Free College”, “Never Trump” and others (pick your own) are efforts to drive political outcomes through force or fear.  I know also that if you read this blog regularly you are not the type to be cowed by such.  But just to allay your frustration in the seeming lack of visible opposition to these political pirates I offer this brief list of comforters:

·        We own most of the guns, a great deal of the ammunition and mastery of the skill set.

·        We control the hard currency and have secured most of the collateralized credit.

·        We enjoy personal mobility (meaning we own most of the cars, trucks and motorcycles).

·        We have mastery of the English language, written and oral.

·        We possess a sense of history.

·        We understand the true meaning of destiny.

·        We maintain the sanitary sewer system (if we leave, they’ll all die of typhoid fever).

·        We know how to walk quietly in the night.

·        We have been raised to favor the taste of meat.

Let’s check their side of the ledger:

·        They have no idea!

I know I have violated my own preference to keep above the political fray in this blog, but sometimes you just get pissed off by what you see at the carnival.  Next week, when the circus has moved on, we’ll do something about the Golden Age of Hollywood.  Those are always popular.

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. – Thomas Jefferson

Hippo

Dippo

Gitmo

                                      
                                       The Marx(ist) Brothers!

Is You Is or Is You Ain't?

Neil deGrasse Tyson

As I was surfing the net for interesting intellectual fodder I chanced upon the headline, “Neil deGrasse Tyson (Director of the Hayden Planetarium at the Rose Center for Earth and Space in New York) thinks there’s a very high chance the universe is just a simulation.”  This caught my attention so I read the article.  It seems that every year a group of high thinkers gather at the American Museum of Natural History for an event named the Isaac Asimov Memorial Debate.  This year’s topic addressed the question of whether or not the universe is a simulation.  Ooh, heady stuff; maybe somebody should make a movie about this!  The panel was made up of scientists and philosophers.  The article was rather skimpy on discussion details and was more or less a teaser to introduce an attached YouTube video of the panel discussion.  The video is two hours long.  I lasted about twenty minutes.  It was like watching the TV show The Big Bang Theory (CBS, Thursday 8:00) without the jokes… and no Penny.

I like an intellectual challenge, as long as it doesn’t require mathematics.  And this seemed like a topic I could have some fun with.  The question becomes, “Is our existence real, or are we merely features of some other entity’s simulation?”  More about why the answer to that question renders the whole discussion moot a bit later.  But pretending now that we are not smarter than a panel of physicists and philosophers let’s explore this hypothesis.

Rene Descartes

We are all familiar with Descartes’ pronouncement of existence, “I think therefore I am.”  While I am certain this statement has generated untold hours of discussion among countless philosophers and pseudo intellectuals, it is plain enough on the surface: My self-awareness is proof that I exist.  I am okay with that. It would certainly be difficult to assert my existence if I were not self-aware.  And as a negative cannot be disproved, we must allow our mere existence is not proof that our existence does not exclude our non-existence. (How many times did you read the previous sentence before your realized I was just screwing with your mind… or was I?).   But can we end it there?

Being sympathetic to lesser beings, I ponder the existence of the common slug.  Do you think that the slug is self-aware?  We can certainly prove its existence by witnessing its presence in the physical world.  I know, I encounter them every time it rains and they are coaxed out of the flower beds onto my concrete driveway where they die for lack of moisture.  I am pretty sure that this behavior demonstrates a lack of thinking ability; If they could think, they wouldn’t expose themselves to such peril.  So I’m going out on a limb here and stating with whatever modicum of intellectual authority I can muster, existence and awareness are not interdependent.

The debate is whether perception equals reality.  Inspired by science fiction ala the Matrix, they want to explore the likelihood that we are the creation of some superior intelligence that controls how we perceive the universe.  And that the universe in which we actually live, generated in the imagination of its creator, is different than that which we perceive.  We (and our experiences) are merely thoughts in someone else’s mind.  Okay, here is the shocker: A belief in a universe created by a superior being in which we live at that being’s pleasure is… RELIGION!!!

Here is the hidden land mine that will explode this whole discussion.  What is, is.  It makes no difference the origin of our being.  Whether we are the product of a computer supported world or the creation of a spiritual deity, the operative word in all cases is “is”.  (Do you understand the meaning of the word yet, Bill?)  Perception is reality.  And if you doubt that, throw yourself off of a one-hundred-foot-high building and see if you don’t start to believe in the reality of your situation as you tally up the floors racing by. (Accelerating at a rate of 132 ft./sec./sec with a terminal velocity of approx. 120 mph)

I believe they have fallen into the same trap that our ancient forbearers did.  If we cannot distill our understanding of what we see around us to absolute logic (experimental or observational evidence… you know, scientific fact), we create myths to shed light into the dark corners of uncertainty. At some future time, when scientific understanding has resolved the mysteries beyond our current comprehension of the physical world, they will look back at such debates about reality versus perception with the same disdain with which we look at the superstitions of our history. 

(I refer you to my blog post How or Why? of 8/26/13.)

Princely Regard

At midday today, Friday, April 20, 2016 my AT&T Web news feed offered seventy (70, or LXX for you classicists) headlines.  Twenty-five (25, or XXV) of these stories are about Prince.  Yeah, I lived through the 80s.  I remember Prince.  But come on, this is enough!  It's not like he cured cancer or developed a vaccine for stupidity.  I am considering resigning from the human race and starting my own species, holbrookus disgruntilus.

Brazen Defined!

It seems the current specie for purchasing votes is either free college for all or college debt forgiveness.  I have heard the clarion call from Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Sanders, “A public education is your birthright as a Millennial: Vote for me and your education will be free!”  It seems it’s just not fair that a recently minted college graduate should be burdened with all of that debt.

Why not?

You have all seen the coverage on the evening news; public demonstrations at which students (we are asked to presume… they wouldn’t employ professional agitators… would they?) are demanding that we; that’s you and I, not them, because they have no money to pay taxes, provide at least a public college level education to any and all who demand it.

Well here’s a fresh way to approach the problem; get a job and work your way through school.  I did it.  Now my diploma may not have the prestige of a Harvard or Stanford sheepskin.  But my “state school” education was sufficient foundation on which to build a career that allowed retirement at fifty.  Oh, and my degree?  It was in accounting, not cultural anthropology or racial studies. I was able to leverage my education into a high-paying, in-demand skill set; no debt.

How did I do it? 

Was I intellectually advantaged? 

Were the endowment committees throwing cash at me? 

No.  I did it the “economical way”.  I started off at a Community College that had a guaranteed credit transfer program to my four-year college of choice. Students often compare their SAT scores when discussing their academic careers.  Guess what; if you go the Community College route, you don’t have to take the SAT (or any other admissions test) as long as you’re in good academic standing when you apply to the four-year institution. I’m sure the CC program saved me thousands of dollars.  When I was in college I didn’t screw around.  I mapped out the shortest distance to the degree I wanted and didn’t get sidetracked by non-relevant academic powder-puff classes.  When I wasn’t working (full time) or in class (full time), I was, guess what… studying!  And it paid off.  I graduated with a solid “C” average.  But eventually, upon graduation, I was able to land a job with a good employer despite being launched into the workforce during Carter’s (Jimmy; 39^th POTUS) Depression.

And I didn’t have some on-campus, minimum-wage sinecure.  I worked in the real world.  I worked for a local department store chain as a security agent.  I didn’t keep track of the arrests I made.  There is no tally of the fights I was in.  But it was all for the greater good.  My greater good, because the yield was invaluable.  There are some people who are not academically oriented.  They should not go to college.  There are some people who have no life direction when they are sixteen, or twenty-six.  They should delay college until they have a clear academic goal.  If a youngster isn’t ready to make life decisions, they should join the military.  College is not a parking lot to be used until one decides which road they want to take.  Enrolling in college without some sense of one’s career ambitions is just a costly waste of time and money.  Think before you leap.

Does it seem I’m bragging a bit about my life accomplishments?  Well it should, because I am.  And for you socialists out there who want me to pay for everyone else’s education, go to hell!

Next week, something about space… I promise.

***Late Breaking News***

Prince has died.  I was not rabid fan of Prince.  I think his most significant contribution was ease with which he changed monikers to suit contractual need: Prince after he had become, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince which he was after he was Prince, initially.  Well, if that has you scratching your head then you are just like those of us who lived through this nominal evolution during the 80s.  But that is not the point of this bulletin.  My rant concerns the headline wording announcing this transitional development.  CNN and Fox News labeled Prince as a “legend” while MSNBC deemed him an icon. Well let’s check in with Mr. Webster and get his opinion of legend:

1a:  a story coming down from the past; especially:  one popularly regarded as historical although not verifiable

Now let’s try icon:

: a person who is very successful and admired

I think the decision is obvious; MSNBC wins the battle over syntax in this case.  Now that’s just something you’re not going to get from MSNBC very often.  But what is the big deal?  Well if we cannot look to our journalists to protect the language, we are doomed.

Suspension of Disbelief

If you are a reader of fiction, or a fan of film, or even a zombie under the spell of entertainment television, then you are familiar with the practice of suspending your disbelief.  “But Dale,” you say, “I wear a belt!  No braces for me thank you.”

Well, perhaps I should address this missive at a slower pace making no assumptions about the perspicacity of my audience.  Let’s begin again.  All fiction and a great deal of “documentable truth” contains some modicum of, shall we say, exaggerated fact.  What’s more, this element of untruth is usually apparent to even the least cerebral among us.  For example, our life experience has taught us superheroes do not really exist.  But for diversions sake, we will allow ourselves to accept Batman, Superman, Spiderman, Wonder Woman (don’t want to leave out the fair sex) can live in a world in which ultra-human exploits are not only possible but commonplace.  To enjoy this entertainment, we allow the story teller the latitude of credibility where none should exist.  We, in fact, suspend our disbelief.

While most authors (directors, et al) will confine their affront to the limits of the real world to a degree that our intelligence is not too badly insulted, there are those instances where the fabric of believability is stretched beyond our limit of forgiveness and we lose interest in the narrative.  I must admit that sometimes these forays into the ridiculous have their mirth value and I appreciate the outcome but on some plane other than the presenter’s intent.  All tastes are different, but I am particularly enamored of the “bug” movies of the 1950s: Them! (giant ants); Tarantula; Attack of the Crab Monsters; The Black Scorpion; The Deadly Mantis, etc.

I am not addressing their impact on me as a child.  Yes, as with all of you (if old enough) I would be transfixed by the television on Saturday afternoon as the hero scientist(s) engineered some incredible weapon to save us from these species of atomic mutated monsters.  No, I’m addressing the adult (or as close as I’m ever gonna get) Dale’s pleasure in re-watching them to appreciate just how truly bad they were.  I watch them without need to suspend my disbelief.  In fact, the more disbelief the better.  But hold on, I have yet to address the intent of this posting.  Are you ready?

It is truly a shame we cannot suspend disbelief in the idiotic goings on that comprise the current cycle of the presidential election pre-season.  Because no writer of fiction would dare proffer a combination of characters and actions as we have seen in the real world of 2016.  The players: A liar, a socialist, a bombast, a whiner and a delusionary hopeful.  I’ll leave it to you to figure out which is which.  And I can hardly wait to see who materializes as the parachute candidate at the Republican convention.

I am a skeptical man.  When an absolute truth is averred I am wont to engage my olfactory mechanism and take a deep whiff.  But I have tried these some sixty plus years not to become a cynic.  I want to hold out for truth and hope that those running for office really are in pursuit of the public and individual good.  I fear though, that the seeds of paranoia are beginning to sprout their arils into my heretofore resistant psyche.  To imagine that any of these presidential hopefuls from either party is equipped to turn the ship onto the right heading would require I suspend disbelief.  But unfortunately, I cannot.

James Madison

Here is the problem as I see it: Government has outgrown its beneficial qualities. The founders were motivated to wage war against the most militarily (and economically… but lack of response to last week’s blog post convinces me economics has worn thin with my venerable readership) powerful nation of the time to cast off tyrannical government.  In the debates that led to the creation of our nation, a key thesis was the limitation of government’s ability to intrude into the lives and endeavors of the citizens by specific assertion that powers not enumerated in the defining document (the Constitution, in case your falling behind) were reserved by the states or the people. And to underscore the sentiment, they appended the Bill of Rights in the form of the first ten amendments so there was no question about said Federation’s limited authority.

Thomas Jefferson

Almost immediately, a contest of wills between the two political camps; federalists (strong central government) and anti-federalists (strong state governments) resulted in the birth of the original political parties: The Federalists and the Democratic-Republicans. And there has been a battle for the soul of the citizenry ever since.  This would be of less consequence if we had kept to our original intent, limited government.  But of course the thirst for power and advantage (both political and economic, which of course are unavoidably intertwined) is the very nature of human civilization and results in eternal efforts to garner favor among the voters by pandering to their wants, tangible and ethereal.

Unfortunately, the desire to receive more from the government leads to the surrender of individual freedoms; and thus we have the state of the nation today, “Ask not what I can do to secure my own treasure, but what I can expect the government (i.e., the other taxpayers… the government has no wealth of its own) to provide for me.”  Embracing this philosophy has led to a bloated, unwieldy bureaucracy that has become insatiable.

And now, the move is on to engender college attendance as a right; to be paid for by the government (uh, the taxpayers).  We are now providing rent to people who are underemployed, food to lower income families, cell phones to the disadvantaged.  And soon, if the Democrats get their way, a full college scholarship. What’s next, a Chevrolet?  And don’t you Republicans wag your fingers… you have had more than enough opportunity over that last forty years to stem the tide of personal responsibility erosion.  But is seems that fear of the loss of power share has turned the conservatives cowardly.  And I’m just talking economics here.  Let’s not even get started on social issues.

There is only one solution, but I fear it may be too late.  Too many of our fellow citizens have become snuggly tucked in the blanket of comfort and ease.  But if we were able, could somehow find it within ourselves to say no to the seductive powers of a free-spending government, we could reduce the influence that government wields over our lives and then it would not be nearly as consequential if we elect a clown, dreamer or moron to the presidency or any other government office.  They are only as important as we let them be.

So let’s get together and build one big metaphorical shoe to stomp on the giant bug… bring back DDT!

Economics for Ladders

Forgive the awkward title but I was attempting to build in some nominal continuity with previous posts on issues economical (Don’cha just love The Pirates of Penzance? ...but I digress.)  If you are a resident of The People’s Republic of Kalifornia you should be aware that this past week the servant of the people (Wait, do I have that backwards? Oh, well.) i.e., the four-term Governor Interruptus, Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown, signed into law a new minimum wage statute that requires the current mandated wage of $10.00 per hour be escalated (elevators make me feel claustrophobic so I prefer the escalator… watch your toes) to $15.00 per hour by 2022.  Oh there is a provision to protect the small (less than twenty-five) employer by extending the schedule to 2023.  Thank you, your munificence!

“Hooray, “you say, “finally a champion steps forward to ease the suffering of the people.  Surely now the gap between super rich and miserable poor will start to close.  Huzzah!”  Well, my feeble brained protégés, not quite.  A caveat, I do not hold myself out as an economist, although I was required to complete three courses in the dismal science (emphasis: complete …there is no assumption of mastery) to earn my business degree.  But the experience did arm me with enough argot that if I can’t dazzle you with my brilliance, I will at least baffle you with my bullshit.  So much for my bona fides, now back to the matter at hand.

Please recall from earlier postings that Economics is the study of human behavior in an environment of scarce resources.  As with many terms, “scarce resources” differs in meaning for scholastic economists than it does for your average cafeteria worker.  For the hair net set, scarce means hard to locate or acquire.  In the world of John Maynard Keynes et al, it means of finite supply, no matter how large that supply might be.  So right there we underscore one of the challenges of applying economic theory to everyday life; economists make up their own definitions for words with which we are intimately familiar.

Keep this economist’s notion of scarcity in mind as we proceed with the discussion of the merits of an increase in the minimum wage, or the existence of government mandated wage levels at all.  The hair pulling populace lament the growth of the lower (income) class (Honestly, isn’t America, after all is said and done, at its heart, a classless society?  Yeah, I had to kind of chuckle while I wrote that too.) and the demise of the middle class.  No one ever quantifies those numbers with any gusto.  But I have read essays that proffer more people have migrated from the ranks of the middle income to the upper income than have fallen from the middle to the lower.  Rather conveniently, I cannot recall the resource from which I gleaned this tidbit: But in absentia does reinforce the aforementioned notion of resource scarcity.

The labor unit, i.e. worker, i.e. you, are a finite resource. There are only so many of you (hey, don’t count me in that number, I finagled my talents into an early retirement) to go around when it comes to filling job openings.  Here it is, the dreaded discussion of supply and demand:  If demand (work to be done) exceeds supply (appropriately skilled workers), the price of labor (wages) goes up naturally.  If an artificial floor is established by government, no matter the dollar amount, the mandated wage is still the bottom rung on the ladder (Oh, okay Dale, the whole ladder thing makes sense now) and eventually the system will adjust to the new calibration and $15.00/hr. tomorrow will buy what $10.00/hr. bought today.  Get it?  The value of any commodity (resource) will naturally set itself at the right price vis-à-vis the rest of the market.  The hamburger flipper will be earning 50% more that he did before Gov. Jerry worked his magic, but the price of the hamburger will eventually go up that much as well.  So will rent, car payments, beer… and so there you are, washing dishes on the bottom rung of the economic ladder, making $15.00/hr., if your job was not eliminated because it is now more practical for your former employer to buy a new-fangled dish washing machine.

It is all interconnected, that’s why I like to think of myself as the holistic economist-lite. In addition to this simplistic illustration of the effect wage increases on product prices there are other things to consider: Price elasticity, capital availability, economic vs. financial profit, mustard (don’t get me started on the great mustard vs. catsup debate of 1887).  You can now see how valuable proprietary argot can be in shutting down an argument.

As I see your eyes are beginning to roll back in your head, we will now switch to our regularly scheduled Vogon Poetry Hour.  See you next week.