Wednesday, December 16, 2015

So, Where's the Blog?


I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong.  I was not captured by pirates, well not the kind you think.  In fact, I made a good faith effort to write and post a blog entry last week but the fates conspired against me.  The subject of the much anticipated missive was animated Christmas specials.  And you would have loved it.  But circumstances beyond my power took control and blocked my effort.  So here is my sad, sad, happy ending story. 

Over the last few weeks my six-year old Fujitsu laptop computer had demonstrated growing indications of obsolescence. It was running slow.  I was encountering an increasing number and frequency of screen lockups.  Some weeks ago the gods of computing had advised me that Microsoft would no longer support my Windows Vista operating system.  I downloaded the offered Mozilla Firefox remedial software.  But it did not perform as Vista had when new.  So, succumbing to frustration, I decided to purchase a new machine.  And the climax occurred Wednesday last week as I was authoring your weekly treat.  I opted to break from my efforts, make my purchase the following day then complete my opus. 

I am more a features shopper than bargain hunter.  I like to touch what I buy before laying out the cash (or as in this case, borrow from VISA using their billing cycle to float the outlay into next month).  So my favorite tech supply option is Fry’s.  They generally have three or four more models available for immediate purchase and delivery than any competitor, their advising staff actually listen to ones questions and make a good effort to direct the customer to a satisfactory acquisition. 

Within one-half hour of entering the store I was on my way with my new HP Envy laptop under my arm.  Well actually, it was in a shopping cart as I took advantage of their offer to sell me a new HP printer for an additional twenty-five (yes, $25) dollars.  I also purchased the most recent version of Microsoft Office as I was currently working with the 2007 model.  For me, it’s all about compatibility.  

So scurrying home all anxious to set up my new toy…um, tool, my plan to complete my blog post before too late in the day was coming together nicely.  Do you remember your first personal computer purchase?  Before you could push the start button you had to read a three-hundred-page manual, diagram a plan of attack and make at least one trip back to the store to pick up the cable that was not included with the purchased hardware.  Ah, those were the days when setting up electronic devices of any kind separated the men from the boys.  

Not so in our modern age.  The manual of operation has been reduced to a one-page, cartoon-drawn instruction sheet that indicates the location of the power-supply connection port, the power button, and the Wi-Fi connection button. And that’s it; flaps-down, full-power, wheels up… fly boy, fly! 

The next step then was to set up the printer.  Same discipline; power cord, Wi-Fi connection, install printer drivers to computer.  Wait, there is no disk drive installed in this computer.  Of course silly, this is the era of the cloud.  One simply locates the appropriate web site as per instructions and downloads the necessary software; smooth.  And hide your surprise, I did this without difficulty.  Now one last step, load the Microsoft Office suite of applications. 

Once again, as with the printer drivers, one is expected to locate the appropriate web site and using a twenty-five-digit code (you know, there are only twenty-six digits in the whole stinking alphabet) to prove valid purchase.  Once validated the, software loads itself magically onto the hard drive ready to meet ones every clerical need.  And so I proceeded. 

Wait a minute.  The web site is responding with an error code: not an indication that I miss keyed the password, but an error code.  This is why I don’t use ointment, there are always flies lurking about.  Hallo!  There is a 1-8XX number displayed on the screen instructing the user to call in just such an occurrence.  Well, it seems rather old fashioned to use a voice communication device when dealing with high-speed data transfer issues but if it must be… 

Of course, the respondent at the other end of the line had an eastern accent (I’ll guess Indian, but the din of other voices in the background was of such volume I couldn’t be sure) and politely asked me how he could help.  I explained my dilemma.
“Perhaps your version of Microsoft Office is not compatible with your Window’s operating system.’ He suggested in his overly conciliatory manner.  I thought to myself, “Widows 10; brand new.  Microsoft Office 2016; brand new: Incompatibility unlikely!”  He continued, ‘There must be a problem with your computer.  May I have permission to sign into your computer and check?”  This is where I should have stopped the process and regrouped.  But, anxious to get this train on the tracks I agreed.  Mowgli put me on hold.


When he returned my computer screen was putting itself through some diagnostic gymnastics.  It did this for a few minutes and stopped.  Punjab came back on the phone and highlighted some indecipherable language on my screen.  “You have a Trojan virus on your computer.  We have to remove that before we can install Office.” 

“What are you talking about?”, I asked rather accusingly, “I just bought this thing today!  How did I get a virus?” 

“Well, I can’t answer that question, Sahib.  But we can remove it and help you with your problem.”  And then a table popped up on my screen listing different time periods and how much their anti-virus protection for said durations would cost:  One hundred fifty dollars for one to two years; $499 for lifetime protection.  I felt like Rikki-tikki-tavi in a spitting contest with a cobra.

“Okay Gunga Din, I get it now.  You’ve scammed me.  Now close out all those windows and get out of my computer!”  I hung up while he was squawking something or other and shut down my machine.  I rebooted and changed my password.  Then I packed up the machine and hustled off to Fry’s, arriving about six o’clock.  The service desk was not busy… just wait until the day after Christmas.  I explained to the technician the events of the day. He turned on my machine and found I had indeed been hacked.  He offered to wipe the hard drive and reload all of the original software, if he could.  He started the process.  At seven o’clock his shift ended and he explained the situation to his coworker, “If you can’t get this to load, just swap out a new computer for him if they have one in stock.”  He also gave me a phone number for Microsoft that he knew to be reliable and instructed I call them for assistance with the Office download so as not to get sucked into another scam website. 

About nine o’clock, the second technician and I agreed the new operating system was not loading. At ten after nine, I was showing my receipt to the guy at the door, new computer under my arm. By the time I arrived home, I was too fatigued to mess with computers and such.  But the next morning, I brought the machine to life and loaded the printer drivers.  Then I called Microsoft and got a competent tech speaking understandable English in a quiet environment.  She patiently walked me through each step including identifying the correct website.  Several times she stated I could proceed on my own but when I asked her to stick with me she did all the way to the end.  She even called me three hours later to make sure everything was working to my satisfaction.  I considered this to be very good customer service. 

But the real heroes in this story are the guys at Fry’s.  They had no culpability in my failure to successfully install the Office software.  Failing to find the correct website we solely on me.  Yet, without prompting from me, and without running it up the chain of command, they made sure I left their store with a brand new, perfectly healthy computer. 

Lesson to us all:  In these days of web acquired games, software and media, electronic piracy and hostage taking is blossoming as an industry.  Sadly, there is little that can be done to pursue and prosecute such criminal activity because of its anonymous nature.  It is up to us to be weary and proceed very carefully when doing business with web based providers. 

Oh yeah, the point of this story… shop at Fry’s! 

Stay tuned; next week… best Christmas animated specials of all time!


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