An Offering

Thomas Jefferson

This has been a bad week, humanity wise.  And as such, I have been compelled to listen to pundits “A” through “Z” offer their opinions on the failings of our President (forgive me, but tradition demands I capitalize the first letter of that title) and his government regarding all things political.  If we read history (and I do) we are left to understand that the responsibility with which the President of the United States of America is charged is the administrative management of the federal government.  The office was so designed as to minimize institutional interference in our private lives.  Thomas Jefferson was vehement, almost obsessive in his efforts to warn his fellow architects of the Republic against the natural tendency for governmental self-promotion and growth.  With small effort one can find text upon text reinforcing that truth and yet, here we are in 2015 with political leadership (and this happens within the conclaves of both parties, my dear pupils) that ignores the fact that our (well, it was supposed to be ours) government has lost control of those functions for which it was formed (say, national security) and has encroached itself almost totally into those social environs forbidden to it by our sacred Constitution.

I really prefer to use this forum as a canvas for my peculiar brand of wit.  But sometimes I reach a level of frustration with behavior so counter to the tenets of this Nation that I need an avenue through which I can release the building steam pressure.  I’ve tried talking to people about the state of our government and how it is killing the spirit of our noble cause.  But I find I get one of two reactions:  They run away screaming, rending their garments in a biblical manner; or their eyes glaze over as they yearn for the shelter of their I-phones.

Today I am once again standing at the edge of that precipice, where, if I step over the edge, I will start a one man mission to correct the problem.  I can see far enough into the future to know that this would not be a path of pleasant, or particularly beneficial outcomes.  So, I step back, take a breath, click on my mental safety and re-holster my emotional weapon.

Charles Darwin

But I want to be part of the solution as opposed to just another whining voice in the fog.  So here is my offering:  Government should disband itself; but just before it does, it should issue to each and every citizen with the strength to grasp it firmly, a pointy stick.  Then we revert to pure Darwinism; survival of the fittest.  Them that can, do.  Them that can’t become part of the food supply.  Now this may seem a bit gruesome to the more genteel among you.  But take heart, you won’t have to witness this experiment for very long (if you know what I mean; if you don’t you may have even less time).

Okay, I feel better now.  Be sure to tune in next week for more fun and learning.  And always remember, the world is what you make it… not what they tell you it should be.

Outrage!

I have to admit that the subject of today’s media outrage is far more interesting than what we have been served in recent weeks.  I’m not sure how much one is paid by a media outlet to manufacture outrage, but if it is decent coin I may just look into a career change.  Because the standard drivel is very rarely worth ones effort to clear ones throat (harrumph!).

Among the recent spate of outrages we can count: One presidential hopeful’s suggestion that as a nation of laws it is our moral duty to enforce immigration statutes and apply such actions they may require, say deportation of violators; the political witch hunt currently directed at one former presidential cabinet member in regards the criminal mismanagement of sensitive, nationally critical information; use of a government charge card by another presidential hopeful for payment of personal expenses, although directly paid for by the candidate when due.

But these are mere trifles compared with today’s (that would be Wednesday, November 11, 2015, as this is being written) egregious affront to our cultural heritage:  Starbucks’ seasonal cup is anti-Christmas!  How could they do this?  Well let me elucidate.  It seems the cup design for this year is, gird yourselves… red!  It’s just plain red, with the traditional Starbucks mermaid.

There are no snowflakes.  There are no Christmas tree ornaments.  There are no snow men, no stylized pine branches, no carolers, rein deer, not one nutcracker.  It is just a red cup with a green logo.  How could they be so exclusionary?

Well I for one applaud their decision!  I don’t drink Starbucks’ coffee for the decorations.  Hell, I don’t even drink it for the taste.  That’s right; I don’t like the coffee that much.  The only way I can tolerate it is to load it up with sugar and half-and-half. I go to patronize Starbucks because I can enjoy a good read on their patio while watching the attractive women come and go.  And how can I do this in the dead of winter?  Because I live in Southern California where there are no snowflakes, snow men, or pine trees.  There is just mild weather that makes coffee on the patio at Starbucks one of the simple pleasures in life.

Oh, and let’s not forget the attractive baristas.  The female baristas, I didn’t really need to clarify that, did I?

How Big Is It?

Have you ever looked up at the sky and wondered, “How big is it?”  I mean when you’re not stoned; a genuine thirst for knowledge.  Well, here’s a shocker, nobody knows.  We do know that it is pretty huge.  I mean, it’s the universe and all.  And maybe we should consider rethinking the term universe.  Originally, we used the term universe to describe everything.  For people of faith, it meant God’s creation.  Now we really have no idea what the universe is (I mean physically; if you’ve wired it philosophically, good for you).

Edwin Hubble

Scientifically, until the twentieth century, astronomers believed that the physical universe was what we know today to be the Milky Way galaxy; our galaxy.  Then in 1924 Edwin Hubble concluded several spiral nebulae he was observing were too distant to be part of the Milky Way and were in fact galaxies outside of our own (see The Big Pffft! May 9, 2013) .  Thus the universe grew exponentially with the publication of his work.  With advances in telescope technology and observational technique thousand of galaxies were mapped, again increasing the size of our universe.

Then, along came another Hubble.  Well, a telescope bearing the name of our hero.  In 1995 (were you born yet?) The Hubble Orbiting Telescope was used to make a long exposure (probably archaic language on my part, but when I was taking pictures we were still using film) of a heretofore seemingly empty piece of sky in Ursa Major (the Big Dipper, north).  The target area is just 2.5 arcminutes across (sorry, I don’t know what that means either) which is about one 24-millionth (oh, there’s a number I can relate to – NOT!) of the whole sky.  Anyway, it is small!

“And what did they fine, Dale?”  Well little ones, they found 3,000 identifiable galaxies out there that had never been seen before.

There's Pie?

“Is that a lot, Dale?”  Well, while three thousand is a number we can relate to, remember they were looking at a very small piece of the sky.  Kind of like that skinny piece of pumpkin pie you get at Thanksgiving while your cousin gets a quarter of the pie.

“Thanks for putting it into terms we can relate to, Dale.”  My pleasure, children… my pleasure; but I digress.

Now here is the only math we’re going to do today. Assuming an even distribution of matter throughout the universe (and the Hubble Deep Field Image seems to suggest it is), the answer to how many galaxies are there (that we can see) is the product of 3,000 X 24,000,000!  No, I don’t know what to call that number linguistically, but numerically it would be 72 with a poop load of zeros behind it, like nine or something.  So is that 72x10⁹?  I get so confused with this math speak.

Well in any communication method, that’s a lot.  And we can’t even see all the way back to the beginning, yet.  And we haven’t even begun to consider the notion of multi-verse yet.

Okay then, back to the original question.  How big is it?  Pretty friggin’ big!  Yes, you will be held accountable for this information on the final.