Vegetarian and other Isms

ism [iz-uh m] n.  a distinctive doctrine, theory, system, or practice: This is the age of isms.

Vegetarianism-a lifestyle choice which eschews the eating of animal flesh.  In the extreme, also excluding all commodities containing animal sourced materials.  From an economic standpoint, this relieves price pressures on meat food products correspondent to the reduced demand.  More affordable hamburgers (pork chops, carne asada, etc.) for the rest of us.  The most common motives for this practice are improved health and/or ethical belief that cows (cats, dogs, chickens, zooplankton, etc.) are people too.  Dale’s advice:  Never trust a fat vegetarian.

Socialism-a political/economic system which emphasizes state ownership of the means of production and justifies subordination of the individual to the community, but often through democratic means.  Proponents have often experienced repeated failure within a free-market, competitive environment. This system is most frequently characterized by the redistribution of income/wealth through political means (i.e., taxes).  Dale’s advice: Conduct as much commerce as possible using hard cash.

Communism-the political theory that the individual’s actions should benefit the community or the state rather than the individual.  The system is most frequently characterized by the redistribution of everything to the ruling elite (unanimously elected, so they tell us) by the use of force (i.e., tanks). It is unclear how the system justifies its efficacy without looking to the condition of the individual (which it hasn’t) who has so graciously surrendered all control for his life to the party.  Dale’s advice: Don’t wait until the last minute, buy your guns (and associated accoutrements) before it’s too late.

Darwinism-the biology theory that all living things have descended from earlier common ancestors through processes of evolution such as natural selection.  The strongest evidence offered is the milestone transition from ape to man when proto-humans transitioned from arboreal to terran existence by literally lowering themselves out of the family tree.  The strongest argument against natural selection and survival of the fittest is an examination of the fans attending a NASCAR event.  Dale’s advice:  Don’t let your chimpanzee drive the family car.

Magnetism-the theory that oppositely charged particles are attracted to each other while similarly charged particles are repelled by each other.  Long story short; this is an argument against marriage.  Think about it… then if you are still confused, e-mail me and I’ll explain it to you.

Barbarism-the belief that marauding hordes (e.g., Mongols) spread their seed among the conquered societies therefore affecting the genetic progression of human development increasing to some degree the homogeneousness of the geographical mix.  So named barbarism for Aunt Barbara who staunchly believes she is a descendent of Genghis Khan’s jovial half-brother, Bubulla Khan (not to be confused by the featured dancer at Rowdy’s Gentlemen’s Club, Boob ala Khan).

Criticism-you stink!

Skepticism-a human reasoning faculty that allows one the ability to test reported information from a questionable source against logic.  But I don’t think it works (e.g., state of the world!)