Need a Towel?

A Train in the Rain!

It rained in Valley Center yesterday. I was at first confused, trying to remember when Southern Pacific had rerouted the railroad tracks through my backyard.  That was what it sounded like for about twenty minutes or so.  First I heard the thunder, then the front moved through delivering a bit of a lightning (that is the proper spelling, it is not “lightening”, whole other phenomenon, but I am tired of being corrected by alleged college graduates every time I write about atmospheric electrical discharges, say it with me: “light-ning”, there is no “en” look it up, but I digress) then the rain cut loose, heavily.

I suppose we should be thankful for each drop we get in these drought filled (emptied?  sometimes usage and agreement are just so tedious) times but I suspect the brief deluge is a drop in the bucket as relates to our local water needs.

But I have a suggestion.  I invite all of you concerned about the ongoing arid conditions to move to Texas.  Seems they have all the water they need, maybe more!  Nick says, “C’mon down, all y’all can sleep in the raft in my garage!”

My Dream Job

You see, I don’t believe we have a dearth of water but a plethora of people.  If the population of the Southwest were trimmed by a few, ah hell let’s make it several, million households, there would be water a plenty for us true lovers of the desert.  We only need about a gallon a day to drink and enough to keep our radiators filled.  The sparsity (I think I just invented a new word there) of population would make daily hygiene practices unnecessary as we would rarely encounter fellow dwellers.  And there might be some practical survival applications associated with being able to smell folks from a good piece off.

Eucalyptus Copse

And how about cutting down some trees; there are only a handful of trees native to San Diego County, and surprise, surprise, they are all drought tolerant.  All of those Eucalyptus trees out there; yup, interlopers… water guzzlers.  They were brought to America for their fast growth quality in the early 1900s.  The railroads were looking for a more efficient source for railroad ties.  Unfortunately, said Eucalyptus did not produce trees with the familiar traits of the old growth forests in Australia. In California’s climate and soil conditions, they would twist when drying.  And the dried product was so hard it would split when spiked. They are useless, but they soak up a bunch of ground water so I say, “Off with their heads!” It’s a wonder we’re not infested with Koalas.

And that goes for all of the other imported trees.  Not only do we waste water irrigating, but they soak up an incredible volume of ground water.  Have you ever looked at a USGS topographical map of any portion of our little corner of the world?  There are streams and rills indicated all over the maps that cannot be found today.  Why?  Because the trees we’ve planted have soaked up all of the ground water.

Instead, fill your yards with Quercus dumosa (Scrub Oak) and Washingtonia robusta (Mexican Fan Palms).  These species will perform well here as they are native, so inured to local weather patterns.  I am afraid the days of lush lawns and ground cover may be coming to an end.  They just require too much water.

Will you play the lie?

Now I know this is going to upset the golfers out there.  But that’s the way it goes.  Maybe some enterprising Japanese entrepreneur can package fly and golf trips for Americans willing to travel to other, wetter countries.  Imagine teeing off in a Mango grove. We can probably expect some resistance by Big Golf, I’m sure they can put together a strong lobby.  If they do, we can always beat them to death with their own clubs.  The Niblick is mightier than the pen!

Well, I see as I look at the clock it’s time for my anti-psychosis medicine, so good-bye until next week… and save water; drink more tequila!