Well, there I was, sitting on the couch watching FOX News
Channel’s prime-time line-up when the news crawl imparted pertinent information related
to this week’s blog about weather in San Diego.
I paraphrase (no youngin’, that does not mean I jumped out of an
airplane while reading from John Bartlett’s Book
of Quotes): California Governor
Jerry Brown declares a state of emergency related to ongoing drought conditions
in the state. This will allow California
to apply for federal aid money.
Okay, I’ll buy the drought argument. Anecdotally, I have not had to mow my two-acre
ranchita for weed control since last
June. That’s dry! But it is part of living in the latitudes on
the cusp of the arid zone. Comprende, mi amigo?
So just what could we do with this money? Can we hire a shaman to conjure up some
monsoonal moisture? Can we buy all the
water owned by Arrowhead and Sparkletts, instructing them to deliver it to the
local reservoirs? Can we import rain
from the Pacific Northwest; it’s not like the people in Oregon are using it to
bathe (have you smelled any of those earthy tree huggers lately… hey, maybe
that’s why Washington legalized pot for recreational use… just to cover up the
stench of their lax personal hygiene practices).
No! You know what they will do. There are three uses already earmarked for
the money (you know the Feds are gonna pony up… it’s an election year.)
·
The state will fund any phony baloney academic
study proposal that includes the words; “water, drought, endangered or people”
in the title.
·
Earmark the money for distribution to any
business that can make a case for damages suffered as a result of the unusual
(ha, ha, ha… it is to laugh) weather phenomenon; to be administered by a select
committee of bi-partisan sycophants along guidelines to be established after the payments have been executed.
·
Finance a public information campaign to educate
the population regarding the importance of natural resource conservation: Save
the Ducks!
But one thing we can’t do with it is
buy more water! That’s all for now… and remember: If it’s yellow, let it mellow; it it’s brown,
flush it down!
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