Friday, January 17, 2014

SoCal Seasoning Extra!

Well, there I was, sitting on the couch watching FOX News Channel’s prime-time line-up when the news crawl imparted pertinent information related to this week’s blog about weather in San Diego.  I paraphrase (no youngin’, that does not mean I jumped out of an airplane while reading from John Bartlett’s Book of Quotes): California Governor Jerry Brown declares a state of emergency related to ongoing drought conditions in the state.  This will allow California to apply for federal aid money.

Okay, I’ll buy the drought argument.  Anecdotally, I have not had to mow my two-acre ranchita for weed control since last June.  That’s dry!  But it is part of living in the latitudes on the cusp of the arid zone.  Comprende, mi amigo?

So just what could we do with this money?  Can we hire a shaman to conjure up some monsoonal moisture?  Can we buy all the water owned by Arrowhead and Sparkletts, instructing them to deliver it to the local reservoirs?  Can we import rain from the Pacific Northwest; it’s not like the people in Oregon are using it to bathe (have you smelled any of those earthy tree huggers lately… hey, maybe that’s why Washington legalized pot for recreational use… just to cover up the stench of their lax personal hygiene practices).

No! You know what they will do.  There are three uses already earmarked for the money (you know the Feds are gonna pony up… it’s an election year.)

·         The state will fund any phony baloney academic study proposal that includes the words; “water, drought, endangered or people” in the title.
·         Earmark the money for distribution to any business that can make a case for damages suffered as a result of the unusual (ha, ha, ha… it is to laugh) weather phenomenon; to be administered by a select committee of bi-partisan sycophants along guidelines to be established  after the payments have been executed.
·         Finance a public information campaign to educate the population regarding the importance of natural resource conservation: Save the Ducks!



But one thing we can’t do with it is buy more water!  That’s all for now… and remember:  If it’s yellow, let it mellow; it it’s brown, flush it down! 

No comments:

Post a Comment