Fun With Saints

I was raised Catholic.  So it is odd that I am named Dale. Catholics maintain a long tradition of naming children for some biblical figure or saint.  You can imagine my parochial school experience.  All of my classmates boasted familiar names like Michael, David, Steven, Theresa, Mary.  It seems there were a lot of Margarets; and they all had freckles, but I digress.  A common activity at the beginning of the school year, especially during the early years when they were trying to drive the essence of the religion into our soft little heads, was to discuss the lives of the saints who were the namesakes of the students.  Not for old Dale though; there is no Saint Dale.  The only famous person named Dale was Dale Evans, wife of Roy Rogers (look it up, Tinker Belle).  When they came to me, the nuns would just look woefully as if they knew I was destined for perdition.

Even if you were not raised in the Catholic tradition, you probably understand the concept of the Patron Saint.  If you are unfamiliar with the subject, pick up a dictionary.  Look up the word saint.  Then look up the word patron.  Put the two definitions in your mind and shake (don’t stir) your head.  If the notion still eludes your delicate intellect, close this blog and pick up your comic book.  You and Thor can have a wonderful evening together.

I thought that you might enjoy meeting some of the saints as their lives, and deaths for martyrs, tend to be quite inspirational.  Trying to keep the length of this missive manageable, I’ll offer just a few examples this week.  If I get a favorable response; hell, if I get any response at all, we’ll (see how I distributed the blame to the reader base there with careful selection of a pronoun) revisit the subject from time to time.

Saint Rene Goupil – First Martyr in North America.  Entered the Jesuit noviate in Paris, France; deafness prevented his joining the order.  Studied medicine; in 1639 offered to work as a medic for Jesuit missionaries in America.  Missionary to the Hurons (a native American people, Tinker Belle) as a layman without pay.  Captured and tortured by the Iroquois, enemies of the Huron. His death by tomahawk to the head led to his patronage of people who work with or receive anesthesia. I guess the lesson here is; clobbering someone over the head with a hammer is an effective anesthetic if you don’t kill the patient!

Saint Andrew – Apostle.  Brother of Simon Peter (first pope). Martyr; crucified on a Saltire Cross (X-shaped as opposed to T-shaped.)  Lore has it that this was done at the request of the martyr as deference to the crucifixion of Jesus.

 

Patron saint of Scotland – legend has it that the Pictish (early Scots) King Angus was facing an invading army and prayed for guidance.  A white cloud in the form of a saltire cross floated across the blue sky above him.  Angus enjoyed a decisive victory and to honor Andrew’s influence, decreed him to be the patron saint of Scotland.  Interesting, but hardly as salacious as…

Patron saint of happy marriages – German tradition has it that a single woman looking to marry should seek St. Andrew’s help on the eve of his feast (Nov. 30^th), then sleep naked that night; she will see her future husband in her dreams.  Now, St. Andrew is also the patron saint of maidens and pregnant women, and sleeping naked seems to be a good way to facilitate the transition from one to the other.  It may also lead to sword-tip weddings.

Saint Barbara – Martyr.  Beheaded by her pagan father Dioscorus for converting to Christianity.  It is told that upon her murder, her father was immediately struck by lightning.  Her association with death from above led to patronage of all types of war related occupations including artillery men, ammunition workers and armorers.  The lesson here; don’t decapitate someone with an explosive personality… and an in with God!

Saint Gabriel the Archangel – messenger of God.  Gabriel was sent to Earth by God on three occasions: The first was to explain to the prophet Daniel his own visions regarding the Messiah; the second was to announce to Zachary the coming of his own son, John the Baptist; the third, and most important, was his appearance to Mary to let her know about upcoming role as mother of Jesus and that she could no longer expect the virgin discount.  Thus, he is the patron of postal workers.  Now this is all pretty heady stuff, but it leaves me a bit confused.  My understanding is that sainthood is conferred upon people whose life of religious devotion was so exemplary that the Church could canonize them being fairly certain that upon their death they would, without question, be accepted into heaven. Here’s the rub: Angels aren’t people; don’t have a life or death as they are immortal and… they’re already in heaven!  You figure it out, it just makes my head hurt.  Interesting factoid:  Only three angels are mentioned in the bible by name; Gabriel, Michael and… can you name the third?  E-mail me if you think you’ve got it.  And God will know if you looked it up in Wikipedia! 

That’s all for now.  Don’t forget to say your prayers before going to sleep.