Some few days ago I was enjoying a new episode of How the Universe Works (Science Channel,
check your local listings) that was offering the latest in academic guess work
as pertains to black holes. Now don’t hit
that “Delete” button yet! This is
not a pseudo-scientific discourse on the origin, nature or importance of black
holes. If, at this point, your finger is
still hovering over the “Delete” button because you don’t know what a black
hole is, I will explain it in one sentence and then move on to the true subject
of this week’s missive.
A black hole is a region of spacetime from which
gravity prevents anything, including light, from escaping. (Thank you,
Wikipedia)
If you desire more information there exist any number of
websites that will meet your need. But
again, the subject of the television show is not the subject or my rant. The subject of my rant is the total breakdown
of societal mores that is plaguing our civilization.
After Mike Rowe (narrator: girls, if you don’t know who this
is, look him up… he is dreamy and has a butter-cream smooth voice… er, so I’ve
been told) eloquently teased the next segment, the viewing public was treated
to a commercial for Trojan “Vibrating
Twister” Vibrator Intimate Massagers.
No, I kid you not. Google
it! I’ll bet you get more websites than
you did for “black hole”.
Now quit your snickering. Never mind the obvious unintended
(I hope) convergence of deep space phenomenon known as a black “hole” and an
instrument designed to “fill” one’s prurient cravings. That in itself is proof
enough that our society is on the verge implosion. But this obviously adults-only
product was being marketed to the audience of an educational program broadcast
on an educational channel!
“Hey dad, is it okay if I turn on the television?”
“What are you going to watch, son?”
“The Science Channel dad, I’ve got to catch up on my
astronomy knowledge.”
“Go right ahead, son.” Thinking to himself, “What a good
boy!”
Then some time later,
“Dad, where did the Trojans get batteries in the sixth century BC?”
I do hope I have not offended
any of you with my choice of topic or the graphic descriptions of events as I
witnessed them. But this is just one
example, albeit a good one, of the erosion of Americans’ sense of propriety. Those of you who know me well can aver that I
am not a Puritan. I can share an
off-color joke without blushing. Given
the appropriate motivation, I can lay down a blue streak of language that would
offend a longshoreman. Yes, I’ve even
patronized the odd Gentlemen’s Club (sorry Mom, I was weak). These evils, and others I have not explored,
have existed as long as men (and women) have had libidos. But as of late, it seems there is no shame
associated with any behavior at all. If one
can imagine it, it’s acceptable (except racial slurs, of course) and free game
for public demonstration or conversation.
I remember a day when men,
real men, guarded their language in the presence of women and children. And a father in situ would not hesitate to admonish a nearby offender that certain
untoward behavior or language was not appropriate in front of children. If the offender was not shamed into remedial
action, it was quite possible fisticuffs would ensue. But no longer; today the loose lipped
scallywag would become the victim and in all likelihood the protective parent
would be incarcerated for assault. When
did the magnetic field of propriety reverse itself and why wasn’t I consulted?
I am a student of history and
passingly familiar with the content and intent of the Constitution. I have read the Federalist! The right to freedom of expression guaranteed in the First
Amendment exists to protect political speakers from reprisals by the majority
or the government in power. It was never
intended by Messrs Hamilton, Madison,
Jay and Morris to open the door for offensive behavior.
But in our confused time, the
maxim is, “If you can say it, they must hear it?” As I grow older, and hopefully wiser, my
political leanings are turning more and more libertarian; but not libertine. While I do not believe it is the role of
government to police community behavior, for I find the longer I live the less
capable government is of adequately policing anything, I do feel however that
society can and must establish a reasonable standard for polite behavior.
This cannot be done using the
force of government but must be accomplished through community peer
pressure. While we cannot adjudicate
boorish behavior, in the past, those whose behavior offended the community
standard were ostracized.
Another example: I have ceased
attending films screened in commercial movie houses. It offends me greatly when some fellow patron
feels it is his duty to vocally share opinions on the progress of the film,
idea for where to dine after the movie or random thought that mysteriously
popped into their seemingly empty cranium.
I will not tolerate it! It has
been my practice to call to the offender’s attention to my unhappiness. I am surprised at the number of mental
deficients who do not comprehend, “Shush!” And when I am moved to elaborate
with, “Shut the f*&$ up!, they
have the chutzpah to feign offense. I can’t tell you the number of times I have
been accused of rude behavior by an effusively chatty neighbor. In my younger
days, I would actually physically challenge these miscreants to take subject
discussion of polite behavior to the lobby.
No one eve accepted my challenge. But as I age (and not mellow), I have
become increasingly concerned that my gantlet will be picked up an I will get
my crotchety old ass kicked. Sorry,
Weinstein Company, you’ll have to wait until your blockbuster is released by
Netflix to get my dollar.
And yet another: Parking lots
should be pedestrian friendly. Speed
Racer, keep your speed at a level where you can control the outcome of your
control inputs. Remember, speed is
distance and distance is time; reaction
time. Keep your fellow citizens
safe. And when parking, remember, your car is an excellent example of a
parallelogram and as such should fit nicely between the parallel lines of a
parking space. If you think about that
for just a minute, you’ll see that this is a system meant to work that way; one
car, one space. If you are driving a
Ford F350 truck with duel rear wheels, park in the hinterlands and walk in. I’m sure the exercise will help with that
beer gut problem you’ve been worried about.
And you “Fire Lane” idlers… go find a parking place!
Okay, I don’t want this to get
much longer… it would be rude of me to take up more than my fair share of your
time bloviating on the current state of politeness. But consider this: When contemplating your
next course of action in any environment; stop, take a breath and look
around. Ask yourself, “How might my
actions affect those around me?” Think
about how you would like to be treated and behave accordingly. And if you can’t think of any way to modify your actions for the general
benefit of a more polite society, move to Lakeside with the rest of the dirt
people.
Mine is probably an
unrealistic expectation. In a world
where community population is counted in millions, the establishment of a
universal standard for polite behavior is not likely. But if we begin teaching our children the
niceties of polite society today, demonstrating through our own actions, perhaps
in a few generations your great grand children will experience some modicum of civility.
***
And this week’s punch line is: “It is! Wanna buy a toothbrush?”
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