Year in Review

As we turn the opening page on another year, I thought I’d pause and look back on the headline stories of 2023.

“President Hillary Clinton to Remain In Coma”

Medical staff at Bethesda Naval Hospital reports today that they have been instructed to maintain the medically induced coma until the end of her second term.  While official sources attribute the decision as a cautionary measure in the treatment of a suspected stroke, anonymous sources close to the President suggest that the extreme course of action is in response to concern for her emotional health in the wake of the announcement that her medical records refute her claim to be the first female President of the United States. 

VP Chelsea Mezvinsky (nee Clinton) continues to see to the day-to-day operat

ion of government.  White House insiders however, seem to agree that former POTUS, Bill Clinton, is de facto assuming the role of chief executive.

In a related story, the Office of Management and Budget reports that FY 2023 expenditures for White House Intern staff tripled over 2022.

 

“Population Moves South”

The Census Bureau released data this week showing the population center of the United States has moved south over the past decade.  Placed at Wright County, Missouri in 2020, in just three years it has moved south to Izard County, Arkansas. This is reported to be the largest population shift since the mid-nineteenth century.  Geographers attribute the trend to the growing polar ice cap; now estimated to be just one-hundred fifty miles from the U.S.-Canadian border crossing at Clair, New Brunswick and Fort Kent, Maine.

Informed scientific sources attribute the rapid growth of the polar ice caps to global warning as a result of human produced green-house gasses.  Meanwhile, the Society of Climatologists continues to defer comment.  The International Congress of Meteorologists released this statement, “What, you want us to predict what’s going to happen with the weather?” 

In a related story, former Vice President and environmental activist Al Gore was found frozen to death near his home in Nashville, TN.  He was discovered late yesterday in a roadside ditch clutching an emergency gas can.  Wife Tipper Gore stated his last words were, “Tip, I gotta walk down to the AM/PM, the Escalade is outta gas.”

“Mission to Mars on Schedule”

Mars One announced it is on schedule to meet its anticipated 2024 departure date.  “Both crew training and engineering efforts are within acceptable parameters to assume an as scheduled departure date,” reported Director of Communications, Suzanne Flinkenflogel.  Special considerations had to be dealt with in crew selection for the 200 – 250 day flight.  “After years of scenario testing at its Earthbound training facility, it was determined the best crew make-up would be four individuals with no common language skills.” 

It was determined in early training, that over that span of time in such close proximity, discussion led to disagreement led to dissension led to disintegration of the team dynamic.  The solution was to select four individuals with no scientific background and no ability to make decisions. “We will monitor the voyage progress via high-frequency telemetry.  If the crew needs to take action outside of the programmed flight regime, we will push a button here at the command center which will in turn activate a lighted button on the spacecraft; the assigned crew member will then push the illuminated button to activate the appropriate spacecraft mechanisms.  To ensure crew performance, food rations will be delivered to members upon successful performance.”

When asked why Mars One didn’t opt to use chimpanzees if humans would be directing all activity from earth, Ms. Flinkenflogel responded, “We’d considered that, but all apes have been members of Teamsters’ Union since 2017 and agreement couldn’t be reached as regards a benefit package.  Also, there wasn’t enough room on the spacecraft for bananas.”

“Kim Jong-un to Remarry”

One week after the announcement of the dissolution by firing squad from his first wife, Ri Sol-ju, government sources reported Kim has proposed to American, Dennis Rodman.  No date is set for the nuptials.  A source close to Rodman says the blushing bride’s wedding dress will be designed by “Second Chance” Body Armor.

Now you have to admit, 2023 will be a year worth remembering.

History of the Future

You may remember from way back in May that I wrote about the work Edwin Hubble did with the 100 inch Hooker telescope in the blog post The Big Pffft!; essentially redefining the nature and size of the Universe.  I will not recount the details laid out in that offering, but if you missed it, I believe it is well worth reading.

This week’s offering is about an offshoot of the work done on Mt. Wilson (the location of the Hooker telescope), the design and construction of the 200 inch Hale telescope atop Mt. Palomar.  It was of course the natural progression of the astronomical sciences as the field was dominated by men at the time of its initial conception.  Their motto, “Make it bigger!” which of course is what they did: Always with the measuring sticks, these scientists.

The telescope is the property of the California Institute of Technology.  Yes, the very same Cal Tech made famous by those two rascally physicists, Sheldon Cooper and Leonard Hofstadter of the CBS comedy, The Big Bang Theory.  The 200 inch instrument was regarded the most important telescope in the world from its first light (the first time it was focused on an astronomical image) in 1949 until 1992 when the Keck observatory (390 inch telescope) in Hawaii began operating.

The contributions to our understanding of the nature of our Universe are innumerable.  But it is not my intent this week to add to your working knowledge of nature.

“So why then, Dale, have you introduced this subject?” you ask.

“Because,” I respond, “it’s in my backyard; literally.  As the crow flies, this wonder of Twentieth Century engineering and technology is probably about ten miles from my house.  Driving distance, because of the mountainous terrain, is about twenty-five miles.

Nestled in the rolling valleys of Palomar Mountain, the campus sits atop one of San Diego County’s highest mountain ranges.  It is unique in that the range, or ridge, transverses the real estate from west to east (or vice-versa if you are a Buddha-centric thinker) while other ranges in the county run generally north and south.  It is an island in the sky as it does not connect to any other elevation feature.  The peak is right around 6,500 feet.  Okay, you Colorado readers can stop snickering, surrounded by your 14,000 ft peaks.  But remember, elevation is measured relative to sea level.  Can you see the ocean from one of your precious 14,000 ft peaks? Yeah, well I can see the ocean from Mount Palomar (on a clear day).  But I digress.

The astronomy campus is, as I previously revealed, owned by the California Institute of Technology and thus a private operation (Cal Tech is not part of the University of California).  So, they are gracious enough to open the facility to the public.  During daylight hours (I trust you can guess why they are not open during hours of darkness… if you can’t, e-mail me and I will explain it to you in monosyllabic language), the campus is available to visitors on all days but December 24 and 25.  The staff there may be involved in some small way with reindeer navigation, but no one is talking!

Although there is an appreciable elevation climb, the road leading to the top of the mountain is paved and well maintained.  In addition to the observatory, the mountain top is home to a hamlet community, which offers a small restaurant and gift shop (not affiliated with, and located a few miles from the observatory) and a California State Park campground (reservations recommended).  The mountain is lofty enough that mid-winter rain storms in San Diego will result in snow at the upper elevations.  But the snow usually melts within days and the County General Services people plow the roads quickly.

If you are a science minded type, the observatory offers a gallery of photographs and displays relevant to its history and contributions. If you are not in search of astronomy knowledge, the grounds offer a serene, scenic locale for a day’s respite.  If, like me, you are drawn to art-deco styling, the buildings of the campus will be right up your architectural alley.

San Diego residents who have not taken advantage of this day-long outing are missing a wonderful opportunity for a no cost adventure (admission is free).  On weekend days, there are often docents available to help the visitor make sense of what they are seeing.  Even during the week, there are displays and exhibits enough to edify even the most astronomically naïve.

You can go to http://www.astro.caltech.edu/palomar/visiting.html for directions and information.  For San Diego residents it is an easy trek.  If you are from out of town, I live only about an hour from the observatory and am a willing guide.  I have two spare bedrooms and a guest bath for you convenience. Also, as I live in Indian Country, I am surrounded by casinos within ten minutes, for your night time entertainment.

Time Travel

Let me be ruthlessly honest on this point.  I believe in time travel.  Now I know the dreamers out there are saying, “Yea! The maestro has validated the basis of our philosophy.”  While the pragmatists (those are people steeped, or mired depending on your point of view, Swee’Pea, in reality) are recoiling from this blatant example of scientific blasphemy.

Let me return the Universe to its normal state.  I believe we all travel through time as the mechanics of the Universe require that we occupy a discrete place within it at any particular instant and that place vis-à-vis other places in the Universe is constantly changing relative to any perceived fixed point of reference, of which there is in reality none.

I must pause here to share my pride in the previous sentence which is a superlative example of the progress I have made in my attempt to construct the most rambling of run-ons while still meeting the requirement that it be cogent. No, it really does make sense… read it over until it does. Okay, are you ready to go on?

Let’s discuss time for just a bit.  I firmly believe that time (as we define it) is a human construct.  We use it to measure our lives against the inevitable, death.  If we didn’t know that we were destined to die, would we have been motivated, as individuals or members of society, to attempt betterment of our condition?  It is proffered by the community of anthropologists that the chimpanzee is our closest living evolutionary relative.  I have observed the behavior of people and compared it to what I have witnessed on trips to the zoo.  I believe there are some gaps in current evolutionary theory that are in need of the application of heavy spackle!  But I digress.

Chimpanzees spend the day lolling in trees, eating leaves and sniffing the air for any indication that a female of the clan has come into season.  They do not enact laws, build cathedrals or write poetry (interestingly enough though, they do engage in combat over territory, something we might recognize as war); still more digression.

People engage in productive behavior because of the pressures of time (and an innate ability to imagine an alternative reality… but that is a subject for another day). 

I do not believe it is, or ever will be, possible for a person (insert own definition here, I’m not going to get sucked into that controversy) to experience the passage of time at a rate different from the natural evolution of the physical universe. We are caught in the stream.

Travel into the future is a ridiculous concept as it hasn’t yet happened.  It would be like trying to paddle a canoe down a river before the glacial ice has melted.  You can only proceed as fast as the river is long.  Give it some time and thought and I promise that last sentence will make sense.  If not, well you are getting this for free.

Travel into the past is a more attractive daydream.  But think about it for just a second.  The Universe is a finite (albeit, really big) physical entity.  If you displaced the matter of just one person, and maybe his time-travelling machine, by moving from now to then, wouldn’t you leave a big hole in the space-time we know as now?  And wouldn’t that time we know as then be suddenly stressed by the addition of unexplained material?  Does this make sense to anybody out there?

Remember, energy is neither created nor destroyed; it merely changes from higher to lower states over time.  And scientists are trying very hard to convince us, via research funds spent on such useful tools as the Large Hadron Collider, that matter is just energy at a very, very (really, really very) low frequency. All energy present in the Universe today was present at the moment the alleged singularity released it.  All changes from that point on can be attributed to the evolution of energy from higher states to lower.  For those of you struggling with this paragraph: The gas in your car’s fuel tank is converted into motion by the release of potential energy within the molecules of the gas. For any volume of gas burned, the car will travel a calculable distance (but not as far as the government’s EPA estimates brag), by which time the energy released by that burning will have been expended.  To move the car further, you must burn more gasoline.  But once the gasoline has been burned and the car moved, you can’t go backwards and un-burn the gasoline and return the car back to its original location (place in space-time, as it were).  To move the car back to its starting point, you must burn additional gasoline.  And all the while, the rest of the Universe is winding its way merrily along the stream of time.  You can’t go home again, unless you have the gas money.

If, by this time I have not convinced you of the impossibility of time travel, then take it up when we meet on the street.  As I am probably bigger and meaner than you, I will pound you into intellectual submission with my fists.  If, by chance you are bigger and meaner than I, you just go ahead and believe what you want.  I am a strict adherent to the constructionist interpretation of the Constitution and therefore recognize and defend your right to believe as your conscience dictates.  Thank you for your kind attention.

A Little Lizard Goes a Long Way

By now you have realized I am a fan of movies, cinema, film.  And you have probably concluded, quite correctly, that I have an affinity for bad movies.  Now I recognize that applying “bad” to any example of art in any medium is purely a judgment call.  But the truth is, unless one is a saint, it is within the nature of human behavior to assign meritorious relevance to all things; i.e. ‘This is better than that”.

And so it goes with movies. In my porous brain, a movie that entertains me with its utter disregard for production quality, lack of plot continuity or scenery chewing line delivery is far more memorable, and therefore more likely to be viewed and viewed again to the point of dialogue memorization.  For example: I have seen Gone with the Wind (1939 MGM); once was enough and quite frankly I believe this hallowed icon of American Cinema to be a waste of good celluloid.  On the other hand, I never pass up a chance to see Earth vs. the Flying Saucers (1956 Columbia Pictures).  If you are a fan of Tim Burton’s Mars Attacks (1996 Warner Bros.), Earth vs. the Flying Saucers is the source code and you must see it.

But let me rein myself in, as true to form, I have wandered afar from my original intent, Godzilla, King of the Monsters! (1956 Embassy Pictures or TransWorld Releasing Corp depending on region).  Everyone knows Godzilla, the radio-active ray-breathing dinosaur, but have you seen the original episode that spawned the franchise?  No, you haven’t and neither have I!

With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound

He pulls the spitting high tension wires down

Helpless people on a subway train

Scream for God as he looks in on them

He picks up a bus and he throws it back down

As he wades through buildings toward the center of town

Oh no, they say he’s got to go

Go go Godzilla, yeah

Oh no, there goes Tokyo

Go go Godzilla, yeah

I do not remember at which age I first experienced this exemplar offering of Japanese film art, but I do remember that I was equally impressed with the stern delivery of Raymond Burr and the magnificent modeling of the city of Tokyo.  Those people must build killer miniature train layouts.  I was surely relatively young (as I am confident I saw it well before I started drinking). At any length, I carried very vivid memories.

So I was taken aback recently when I watched a few minutes of Godzilla, King of the Monsters! broadcast on one of the more daring cable channels dedicated to airing really bad movies.  I noticed that there was a peculiarity in any of the scenes in which the film’s story-telling lead character, Steve Martin (amply portrayed by Raymond Burr of subsequent TV Perry Mason fame… oh, yeah and TV wheelchair-bound sleuth Ironsides). You youngsters out there will want to look into these examples of the golden and pewter (respectively) ages of TV.

I recognized, after a few minutes of confusion, that all of Raymond’s scenes were eerily similar.  They all consisted of Burr, and a few Japanese actors, posed in front of a set backdrop (a wall painted and decorated to simulate a real-life scene) staring off intently at some odd angle as if they were looking upon the action that we had witnessed in the previous shot.  Burr would voice over a description of the action.  This technique struck me as odd.  Eventually, my confused brain was able to decipher the dilemma.

Oh no, they say he’s got to go

Go go Godzilla, yeah

Oh no, there goes Tokyo

Go, go Godzilla

History shows again and again

How nature points out the folly of men

Godzilla

All of the scenes with Raymond Burr had been cut into the film after the initial production was complete!  It explained clearly why, in each scene featuring Burr speaking to one of the movie’s principals, all we ever saw was the back of a Japanese head (kudos to their barbers, by the way). Now, I thought, that was one accommodating production company.  And Burr wasn't even that big an actor.  Well, in girth he was one of the biggest, but in relative star status, not so much. Then it dawned on me, Godzilla, King of the Monsters! was not the original.  This was a rework intended specifically for the American and international theater markets. I had been living my life the victim of a con job.

The original movie responsible for this franchise that has spawned over thirty sequels was titled simply, Godzilla, being released for the domestic Japanese market in 1954 by Toho Studios.  It is doubtful that the original version will ever be aired in the U.S. as the American version is language dubbed and is American-centric.  But given the then recent history of the use of atomic weapons on Japan by the United States to end the Second World War, it would be interesting to get some insight into the Japanese sense of things.

History shows again and again

How nature points out the folly of men

Godzilla